Quick Hitts

The 20,000% tax increase.

07.19.2007 | 1:06 pm | Cigars, Politics

No, that is not a misprint. Congress is trying to implement a tax increase that will be 20,000% in some cases.

State, federal, and even city governments have been screwing cigarette smokers for decades. In some cases those taxes are over 800%. (The Boston Tea Party was a protest against a 4% tax.) Cigar smokers get screwed by states who typically charge a 35-75% tax, but federal taxes have been about a nickel a cigar for quite a while.

That could change very soon. The Democrat controlled congress wants an extra $35-billion to $50-billion for the state children’s health insurance program. The program distributes payments to the states to help buy coverage for kids not poor enough for Medicaid. In other words, they want to expand socialized medicine. They plan to raise the money by adding a 53% tax on cigars with a cap of $10 per cigar. A $100 box of cigars will now cost $153, and that’s before the states slap their taxes on.

Cigarette smokers, don’t feel left out. You’re going to get screwed too, as the federal tax rate goes from thirty-nine cents a pack to a buck.

And it gets worse. The tax will apply to existing inventory, so tobacco store owners will be hit with a huge tax bill. This is the same trick Rob Reiner pulled when he helped pass the meathead tax on tobacco on California a few years back. It put hundreds of small cigar shops out of business. The tax was earmarked for some children’s cause, a government organization that told parents how to raise their kids, but there’s some question if any of it ever made it there.

When you call your congress weasels to tell them to vote against this bill, suggest another law to them: The Taxhole Act.

The Taxhole Act

1. A member of the House or Senate, or any other federal government official or government representative propose who votes for any tax increase that has been advertised as “for the children” shall be considered a Taxhole.
2. Public figures, including state and local politicians, celebrities, wanna be celebrities and washed up former celebrities that some people may vaguely remember, who advocate tax increases while using the phrase “for the children” or any similar phrase, shall also be considered Taxholes.
3. Any Taxhole who advocates for two or more tax increases shall be deemed a Double Taxhole.
4. Any American Citizen or lawful legal resident shall have the right, once per year, to kick any Taxhole in the testicles. In the rare event that the Taxhole does not have testicles, the citizen shall be able to kick them anywhere they like. It is suggested the citizen kick them in the head. If the citizen is not limber/tall enough to apply a boot to the head, they are encouraged to kick them in the taxhole.
   1. Steel toed boots are not required, but they are encouraged.
5. In the case of Double Taxholes, Citizens are allowed to use a baseball bat instead of their feet.