{"id":1211,"date":"2010-06-19T19:09:26","date_gmt":"2010-06-20T00:09:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/?p=1211"},"modified":"2010-06-19T19:16:19","modified_gmt":"2010-06-20T00:16:19","slug":"yet-another-list-of-things-atheists-didnt-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/yet-another-list-of-things-atheists-didnt-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Yet Another list of Things Atheists Didn’t Do"},"content":{"rendered":"

Gunther Link, 45, was stuck in an elevator.\u00c2\u00a0 As soon as he was rescued he ran to church to thank his God.\u00c2\u00a0 His God then crushed him<\/a> under an 860 pound stone altar.\u00c2\u00a0 That God dude is such <\/em>a practical joker. An atheist would have thanked his rescuers instead.<\/p>\n

God also sent 117 people to the hospital via contaminated holy water<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Allah is has the same sense of humor.\u00c2\u00a0 When one of his followers, who was obviously not an atheist, insisted on wearing a head covering at a go-cart track, he rewarded her by strangling her<\/a> with it.\u00c2\u00a0 What a jokester!<\/p>\n

It looks like Pakistan is going to be calling for the execution of Facebook operator Mark Zuckerberg.\u00c2\u00a0 He allowed the “draw a picture of Mohamed day” page to stay up, so the Religion of Peace wants him killed<\/a>.<\/p>\n

A month after the earthquake a Haitian couple tried to get married.\u00c2\u00a0 Christian evangelicals, not atheists, helpfully attacked them with rocks<\/a>, because it was a pagan wedding.<\/p>\n

An African mob burned down a home<\/a>, putting a family of nine on the street, because they believed they were witches.<\/p>\n

John Smith has more imagination than the parents who named him.\u00c2\u00a0 He fired Jammie Harms<\/a> because her fetus <\/em>was hostile toward him, and was projecting negative energy.\u00c2\u00a0 His psychic confirmed his suspicions.\u00c2\u00a0 He did try to resolve it by going to a chiropractor\/energy worker, but that didn’t work out, so he canned her.<\/p>\n

Christians and Muslims in Nigeria enjoyed a three day riot<\/a> that left dozens dead.\u00c2\u00a0 Perhaps they were arguing about whose god was more loving.\u00c2\u00a0 The last atheist riot was. . . um. . .never.<\/p>\n

A US military supplier of very sophisticated gun sights inscribed<\/a> each one with a scripture.\u00c2\u00a0 Surprisingly, when it was revealed, they stopped doing it.<\/p>\n

Who needs 72 virgins?\u00c2\u00a0 This Israeli “Messiah”<\/a> is happy with a mere 17.\u00c2\u00a0 Or maybe 30.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s too busy to count them, and the approximately 60 kids he appears to have fathered.\u00c2\u00a0 Note the Funny Eyes.<\/p>\n

What do you do when the church says your mom is a witch?\u00c2\u00a0 Slit her throat<\/a>, of course. (Funny eyes, again.)<\/p>\n

The Pope warned Africans that use of condoms<\/a> would increase the spread of AIDS because. . . because he’s an idiot, I guess.\u00c2\u00a0 There’s no other explanation.<\/p>\n

Hasidic Jews, not atheists, staged a riot<\/a> outside an Intel factory in Israel, because it operated on the Sabbath.\u00c2\u00a0 They attacked cars, yelled insults, and spit.\u00c2\u00a0 And if you’ve ever listened to them pronounce words like chutzpah and Hasidim you know they can generate serious <\/em>amounts of phlegm.<\/p>\n

A Christian Theater group, whose website<\/a> says they’re “Dedicated to providing drama that is overshadowed by the truth and power of God and His Word, the Bible,”\u00c2\u00a0 is asking for nearly a half million dollars of taxpayer money<\/a> to fund their silliness.\u00c2\u00a0 Evidently God is a little short of cash at the moment.<\/p>\n

The Catholic Church, still refusing to admit their blame in aiding and abetting child rape, once again claimed<\/a> that it was the fault of homosexuals, not pedophiles.\u00c2\u00a0 (Note: Every week there are literally dozens of new stories about catholic priests raping children and the church making increasingly lame excuses for it.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve opted to bypass most of them, because there’s only so much space on my web host’s hard drives.)<\/p>\n

Every Friday afternoon Muslims mob several streets in Paris<\/a>, shutting down businesses.\u00c2\u00a0 They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve even got their own faux security guards to keep anyone else out of the area.<\/p>\n

If you’re broken someone jaw in the UK, simply find a ditzy judge who will let you go<\/a> because you’re a Muslim.<\/p>\n

If you’re Muslim, better avoid watching soccer.\u00c2\u00a0 If your own family<\/a> doesn’t kill you the religious police<\/a> might.\u00c2\u00a0 Atheists can watch soccer if they want to, but most American atheists don’t, because it’s lame.<\/p>\n

If your six week old baby, who you’ve named Faith Lovemore, is crying, just stuff bible pages in her mouth<\/a> until she stops breathing.\u00c2\u00a0 That will calm her right down.\u00c2\u00a0 Daddy was a religious whack job too.\u00c2\u00a0 (Once again, seriously funny eyes.)\u00c2\u00a0 Poor kid.\u00c2\u00a0 If she only had been born to atheist parents. . .<\/p>\n

As always, this is just a small percentage of stories I’ve gathered since the last TADD<\/a> post.\u00c2\u00a0 Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I couldn’t find enough material to do another one?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Gunther Link, 45, was stuck in an elevator.\u00c2\u00a0 As soon as he was rescued he ran to church to thank his God.\u00c2\u00a0 His God then crushed him under an 860 pound stone altar.\u00c2\u00a0 That God dude is such a practical joker. An atheist would have thanked his rescuers instead. God also sent 117 people to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[46],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1211"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1211"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1211\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1213,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1211\/revisions\/1213"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}