Since it was formed The Theatrical Security Agency has been trying to figure out just how much crap Americans will tolerate before they say “screw it, I’m driving.”\u00c2\u00a0 They have heaped inconvenience upon stupidity upon insult upon indignantly, and still we keep flying.\u00c2\u00a0 But they may have finally achieved their goal with their full body scanners and the alternative pat down, which gives you a choice between being an amateur porn star or being or being sexually molested by a ham handed uniformed pervert.<\/p>\n
People are finally saying “enough!”\u00c2\u00a0 At least, some people are.\u00c2\u00a0 (I just saw someone on Facebook cheering the new policy.\u00c2\u00a0 Where do these gutless drones breed?) There have been some protests and lawsuit threats, and there is a planed Opt Out day \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the day before Thanksgiving.\u00c2\u00a0 But the guy promoting Opt-Out day says get the pat-down instead \u00e2\u20ac\u201c which is a mistake.\u00c2\u00a0 We need to opt out of the nude photos AND the pat down, and gum the works up as much as possible.<\/p>\n
But there may be better approaches.\u00c2\u00a0 Not surprisingly, I have a few suggestions.<\/p>\n
One for men only: Consider that many of the TSA agents are wannabe cops who took the job to prove they’re tough manly men.\u00c2\u00a0 Refuse the pictures, then during the pat down go all Big Gay Al on them.\u00c2\u00a0 Twitch and moan with delight at each touch.\u00c2\u00a0 When he touches your privates fake a big, and very loud, orgasm.<\/p>\n
One for Adolescents: Find a freedom loving police officer (they’re extremely rare, but are rumored to exist) and an adventurous friend your own age.\u00c2\u00a0 One of you goes through the scanner, the other goes for the pat down. Have the officer immediately arrest the scanner operator for kiddie porn and the TSA drone doing the pat down for molestation.<\/p>\n
Neither of those are likely to be very effective, so here’s one for everybody:\u00c2\u00a0 Since the TSA wants to see us naked, let’s give them what they want.\u00c2\u00a0 Let’s pick a date, preferably a busy time.\u00c2\u00a0 Rather than muck up everyone’s travel on the day before Thanksgiving, do it on the Sunday afterward, when people are coming home.\u00c2\u00a0 Not only won’t they mind the inconvenience as much, but they’ll be tired and grumpy and stuffed and looking about as bad as they ever look, which is an important part of the plan.<\/p>\n
On Sunday, November 28, everyone who steps in line for the check in should immediately remove every single piece of clothing.<\/p>\n
If you think this might be titillating, the next time you’re in a crowd take a good look at the people around you.\u00c2\u00a0 How may would you honestly like to see naked \u00e2\u20ac\u201c maybe 5%?\u00c2\u00a0 What about the remaining 95%?\u00c2\u00a0 How about that old guy with the man boobs (like me)?\u00c2\u00a0 How about that old lady whose breasts are peaking out under the hem of her skirt and whose legs look like a map of the NYC subway system?\u00c2\u00a0 What about that morbidly obese woman who’s entire body jiggles and ripples with each step, making it look like she’s smuggling a dozen enormous water balloons?\u00c2\u00a0 How much would you pay to avoid <\/em>seeing any of them naked?<\/p>\n Now imagine a room full of people looking like that, all standing buck naked and demanding pat down’s instead of body scans.\u00c2\u00a0 Imagine the look on the face of the TSA agents as they run from the room, trying to keep their lunch down.<\/p>\n These government officials want theater?\u00c2\u00a0 Then let’s give them the nude scene from Hair, but instead of attractive young actors let them deal with an endless line of naked people who no one wants to see nude.<\/p>\n And then do it again the following Sunday.\u00c2\u00a0 And the Sunday after that.\u00c2\u00a0 And keep doing it until most of the agents decide that any job, even getting carts in the rain in the Target parking lot, is a better career choice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Since it was formed The Theatrical Security Agency has been trying to figure out just how much crap Americans will tolerate before they say “screw it, I’m driving.”\u00c2\u00a0 They have heaped inconvenience upon stupidity upon insult upon indignantly, and still we keep flying.\u00c2\u00a0 But they may have finally achieved their goal with their full body […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,20,4],"tags":[66,67,65],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1314"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1324,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314\/revisions\/1324"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1314"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1314"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1314"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}