{"id":985,"date":"2009-12-28T23:41:28","date_gmt":"2009-12-29T04:41:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/?p=985"},"modified":"2009-12-29T17:19:58","modified_gmt":"2009-12-29T22:19:58","slug":"totally-safe-airlines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/totally-safe-airlines\/","title":{"rendered":"Totally Safe Airlines"},"content":{"rendered":"

The latest terrorist attempt to bring down a plane proves, beyond any doubt, that the TSA’s security theater is useless.\u00c2\u00a0 This guy was already on their watch list but that didn’t even slow him down.\u00c2\u00a0 (The watch list has, however, caused a lot of perfectly innocent people, including infants, from getting on a plane, because in their brilliance the TSA only goes by names, evidently unaware that many people share the same name.\u00c2\u00a0 Even uncommon names are shared by many people.\u00c2\u00a0 For instance, I always thought my name was pretty unique, but there are over 20 people on Facebook named Dave Hitt.)<\/p>\n

Hardened cockpit doors and passengers who are now willing to subdue any attempts at hijacking are all the security we need.\u00c2\u00a0 Still, people want to feel secure, so the solution is simple: dissolve the TSA and let each airline design and publicize their own security measures.\u00c2\u00a0 Passengers then could decide which level of security they’re comfortable with and pick the appropriate airline.\u00c2\u00a0 Here are a few suggestions to get them started.<\/p>\n

Totally Safe Airlines<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Passengers have to book their tickets a month in advance and be completely vetted by a private security firm before being allowed to board.\u00c2\u00a0 The security firm would check their religious affiliation (of course), their political views, their friends and acquaintances, and anything they’ve said or done on the internet.\u00c2\u00a0 Just before they board each passenger would be subjected to a strip search, including a body cavity search.<\/p>\n

\"funnyeyes\"<\/a>

Funny Eyes<\/p><\/div>\n

Bacon and a Kiss Airlines <\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u201c Penn Jillette came up with this one, which capitalizes on the fact that most terrorists are members of a religion that’s paranoid about pork and insanely homophobic.\u00c2\u00a0 There are no searches required. There would be a man and a woman at the gate.\u00c2\u00a0 Each would be completely naked and holding a plate of bacon.\u00c2\u00a0 Getting on board is simple – passengers just have to eat a piece of bacon and lightly kiss the genitals of the attendant whose gender matches theirs.<\/p>\n

Fatalist Airlines<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c In keeping with their motto “When You’re Time Comes, It Comes,” Fatalist Airlines lets everyone on without checking anything.<\/p>\n

\"most-wanted-in-pictures-part-a\"<\/a>

Seriously Funny Eyes<\/p><\/div>\n

Libertarian Airlines<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Passengers bringing their own guns on board would be required to certify their bullets were frangible. (Frangible bullets\u00c2\u00a0 shatter when they hit anything harder than flesh, so they won’t penetrate airplane walls or windows)\u00c2\u00a0 Passengers without a gun will be given one.<\/p>\n

Funny Eyes Airlines<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c The one thing all terrorists all have in common is funny eyes.\u00c2\u00a0 FEA would simply deny flights to anyone with funny eyes.\u00c2\u00a0 Although this might discriminate against a few innocent people, it will virtually guarantee each flight is terrorist free.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The latest terrorist attempt to bring down a plane proves, beyond any doubt, that the TSA’s security theater is useless.\u00c2\u00a0 This guy was already on their watch list but that didn’t even slow him down.\u00c2\u00a0 (The watch list has, however, caused a lot of perfectly innocent people, including infants, from getting on a plane, because […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4,19],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/985"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=985"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/985\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":993,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/985\/revisions\/993"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.davehitt.com\/blog2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}