The Hittman Chronicle

Your chance to sound off about the articles in The Hittman Chronicle.

Please take a moment to spout off - both complements and criticisms are appreciated.

People tend to browse this site randomly and in no particular order, so we often get new letters about old articles. They're published more or less in the order they arrive.

This page was last updated on October 24, 2001. If you think it's overdue for an update, write a letter that's good enough to publish.

Archives of older letters can be found here and here.

Swirly Thing

None Should Call It Treason

Wow. I've heard some Jingoistic claptrap before but you take it to a new level.You patronisingly state that we need these people to proove how free society is, but their worth nothing. Mainly because they don't agree with your embittered myopic fantasy of what's really happening outside US borders. You obviously haven't a clue. your ignorance is truly astounding.This attitude is precisely that which has caused your government,and by proxy US citizens to be despised globally.What you gonna do. Bomb everyone who doesn't agree with you. I know its been the US way in the past but things are changing rapidly. The US has done it utmost to maintain its status quo at the expense of the rest of the world,now things are changing. The US needs to stop behaving like a spoilt brat and grow up,bit like you Dave

Barbara Watkinson

Why do lefties insist on putting words in people's mouth, then condeming them for something they never said? It seems almost genetic among your ilk. I never said you were worth nothing. At the very least, you provide us with an exelent example of what happens when one exchanges brain power for dogma.

Some people have legitimate reasons to hate the US. The same can be said for every country in the world. And while the hatred may be justified in some cases, much of it is simple jealousy, a case of the poor hating the rich.

The US isn't bombing Afghanistan because they disagree with us. We're bombing them because they participated in an enormous act of terror against innocent people. That should be obivous to anyone who doesn't fit the descriptions in the article..

Oh. Sorry.

Love that article you wrote Dave. I know so well it to be true that it got me angry all over again. I need some condolences. My own MOTHER is marching and actively working as a "peacenik" against this war. I can't even talk to her these days.

I especially like your line: "Another pacifist told me he'd fight terrorism with peaceful protests. He evidently believes that if we're apologetic enough, and refuse to defend ourselves, that the terrorists will accept our contrite attitude and promise to be nice from now on. People who think this way are very sincere, and they don't deserve our scorn. They deserve our pity. "

BUT can I REALLY call my MOTHER a "yellow-belly poltroons, spineless chuckleheads, chickenshit recreants, fainthearted cretins, rectal – cranial inversion losers, dim bulb fraidycats, pusillanimous witlings, lily-livered addlebrained dunderheads, faint-hearted yellow-streaked timorous pea-brains, or cowardly ninnyhammers" to her face? :-)


Swirly Thing

Rebuilding the World Trade Center

I think a memorial site should be included in the plans no matter what. Maybe something tall that people can see and recognize from a distance. Lets not forget the memorial of the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor. I'm all in favor rebuilding bigger and better that before despite cowardly terrorists.

Christopher N. Martin

Rebuild? Yes. That high? No.

Charles Klivans.

Dave- you are the best! Thanks for some humor in this hell.

Lisa Snyder

Hi Dave, I have to admit, I felt a deep sense of sadness and anger at the tragic events that happened last week in New York and Washington. Sad because of the many thousands that have died in these cowardly attacks, and angry at how anyone could do such a thing. The people of Australia share your sadness and grief, and we support any move by the United States government in whatever decision they make regarding revenge on the person or persons responsible for these disgusting attacks.

As for rebuilding the WTC, I'm with you, rebuild the original towers, and build a few more! Let's show these terrorist arseholes that your country will stand tall, and will not be beaten in any way, shape or form.

Paul Mech

Thanks Paul. The outpouring of condolences, and promises of support coming in from other countries lifted my spirits incredibly; so much it surprised me. Everyone else I've mentioned this to has had the same reaction. It really is very much appreciated.

Dear Dave,

At this time in the history of our country, I do not wish to bite my nose to spite my face. What is needed in way of honoring those who died in the WTC collapse is to find the culprits and all others of that ilk, root them out and disarm them completely. That will take time and much money, and I am afraid it may also take lives. What you and I can do is to make certain that money is well spent toward this cause and that there are sufficient funds. At this time, I shall put aside a desire to erect a formidable tower vulnerable to future attack until I can make the world a safer place. At a later date, when the world returns to normal, hopefully we will not owe our souls 'to the company store.' And will have sufficient funds and the motivation to rebuild beautiful edifices such as the World's Trade Center. I am afraid that at this time I regard your suggestion as a knee-jerk reaction, and think that if you really think it over, you will realize it is not a wise decision, and very likely would put its tenants' in harm's way.

Keep your focus on protecting our country and making us stand for democracy, liberty, tolerance, freedom, and justice in the very best way you know how, and that will honor all those people and the countries from which they came in a strong and dignified way.

Eileen Lange

Ahhh ... humor the great healer. THANKS, I NEEDED THAT!

Lisa Beal

Dear Dave,
"I'll buy that for a dollar!" (RoboCop1) Sounds like a plan to me! Actually we should take that center building and stick it up Bin Laden's asshole as I think it would fit perfectly!

Remy Ann David

It's a good idea to rebuild the WTC, but not like in the hideous picture you've supplied. If anything I'd say something more esthetic than the original towers should be built. One or two buildings (certainly not five), that will simultaneously be:

What exactly should it look and be like I leave to the best of America's architects, but my personal wish - more like the Empire State.

Alex Reicher

The only thing wrong with that idea (assuming that the buildings will pay their way) is that they make a monkey out of all the other buildings in NYC, and everywhere else, too.

Ron Berman

There's a lot more things wrong with it than that, Ron. The center tower, which is 50% higher that the original ones, would collapse under it's own weight - I doubt there's anything strong enough to support a building that high. It would require buying and tearing down lots of perfectly good buildings on some of the world's most expensive real estate. And it would be really, really ugly.

It sure would be fun, though, wouldn't it?

Swirly Thing

Lightning Strikes

Dear Dave, I am wondering whether you are now worried about terrorism.

You said, "Try to be fair when calculating your odds." Now if you would just take that advice -- "What are the odds of, say, one of your kids being killed in a gun accident? It depends on their age. According to the National Health Safety Council only [sic] thirty kids aged four and under died from gun accidents in 1998." The odds are 2 in 1 million according to the NSC. {You said:} "That's more than nine million to one!" Apparently you used the wrong guzinta. It only makes sense to consider just the population in that specified age range. If someone is five years or older, there is zero chance of his being killed at age 0-4.

You definitely need to make some revisions.

Denver Braughler

I'm still more worried about car accidents than terrorism (and I'm not all that worried about car accidents). Even with the horrible toll those bastards have taken, they're still no where close to the to the 43,000 who are killed on the highway every year.

Good catch on the bad guzinta, though. Your right, and I've made a note of that on the page.

Swirly Thing

Economics for Democrats

I love the click link. Economics for Democrats. Consider, however, that Robin Hood did not actually take from the Rich and give to the Poor. He took from the Government and gave to the people. The Sheriff of Nottingham, for example (his biggest victim), was a government entity.


Dave, I saw this webpage after I was directed by a hyperlink text on the ASC cigar message Newsgroup. I absolutely loved it. Thanks for the humor and satire.

Pat Ashton in Virginia
(Not New Orleans...he is another guy with a great name)

Superb article. Even with so simple an explanation, they won't get it.

Er, they'll get it, but they won't admit it because then they would look stupid.

Brent N. Winkelman
Bismarck ND

No, you were right the first time. They won't get it.

Swirly Thing

Bottom Fishing

Good article. I hope the new administration sees the dredging as you do. Out here we battle the Army Corp of Engineers, who constantly regulate dam releases in order to control water depth in the Missouri river so that the endangered Plover has adequate nesting grounds. They even fence off sand bars to keep boaters off them. Property owners and any one who uses the river for recreation are not a consideration. The river sometimes runs at near flood proportions right after the little birdies are done hatching and have flown away. No sand bars to play on. Heavier bank erosion, and you need a permit from the feds to protect your property with riprap. Birds over humans thanks to the same tree huggers giving the Hudson River people headaches.

Brent N. Winkelman
Bismarck ND

Swirly Thing

Absolute Non-Scents

Dave, Another good issue of the Hittman Chronicles. I must commend you. Everyone is a victim these days. I know a nurse who works in a physician's office. They laugh at the hypochondriacs who visit all the time. The lady in that link from your site sounds like she has manic/depressive disorder. She described herself as feeling great in her life before being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in '89, another non-disease affecting middle aged white women we haven't seen in the news lately. Like the greenhouse effect, ozone depletion, car jackings, babies stolen in Mexico for the drug trade, etc., these are all stories by reporters at their desks on a slow news day. A former girlfriend of mine's mother was manic-depressive.

Funny how no one complained of these maladies back in the 40's and 50's when there was a lot more air/water pollution and exposure to strange new chemicals, and quite a few women worked in the factories during WWII. Another disease I think is being way over publicized is asthma. Sure, there are a lot of people with asthma. Terrible. It's the 300 or 400 pound people who complain they can't walk up stairs or do any stressful activity like lifting groceries into their vehicle, which is always parked crooked in a handicapped parking space. These folks always have an inhaler handy and will blame their problem on some inanimate object or other people. Maybe if they dropped a couple tons they wouldn't have 'asthma' and they would feel better. A friend of my mother's has a difficult time going to hockey and baseball games here in Rochester because of her 'asthma'. She's about 100 lbs. overweight, hasn't worked since the 70's, her youngest 4 of her 12 kids are on Ritalin, her husband is in real estate and is never around, and she blames the stairs at the stadium for her malady. Next time they build a stadium here, they should place all the seats on a flat plain with the field, so people like her can have it easier.


Dave, I am not even going to challenge your strong opinion on MCS as I feel very inclined to do. But, since you seem to have such a firm grasp on what this *condition* is and is not, I assume you have an answer in regards to a cure. I have suffered from what appears to be MCS for the past three years and it has made my life a living hell. How do I get rid of what you are so diligently attempting to discount?


I can recognize that an apple is rotten, but that doesn't make me a farmer. Likewise, being able to spot a medical hoax doesn't make me a doctor.

If your symptoms are real, you need to see a real doctor to find out what's causing them. If they're between your ears, as it is for nearly all MCS sufferers, a psychologist should be able to help you out.

Dear Dave, I think you have forgotten to mention one other possibility--real illness, outside of the MCS milieu. A friend of a friend had "chemical sensitivities" and a host of other ailments. After meeting with a long list of "knowledgeable" physicians, she had tested positively for "Lyme Disease," and yes, this was God honest empirical, scientific information. So, my friend, sometimes these ailments could be symptoms of another, real illness. Also, my uncle who is a mainstream medical man -- M.D.-- believes that there are many viruses in the world that can't be identified. (Yes, he is not an alternative physician and serves on boards in Washington, D.C.)

I think that before you claim to be a doubting Thomas, you need to expand your vision and accept that there can be other reasons for illness, besides the hysterical white middle-class woman type. By the way, you're not an out and out misogynist, are you? See, so easy to diagnose by the lay person. All I am saying is that you need to be a bit more open-minded, and unless you are speaking from a medical standpoint (i.e. as a physician), your opinion is the same as mine--opinion and conjecture.


You're making my point for me. Any time your friend spent searching for an MCS cure was wasted. It could have been better spent with real doctors. It's likely he would have found his cure sooner.

Your uncle is probably right, but I fail to see what that has to do with MCS.

Please don't call me "my friend" in one paragraph and a misogynist in the next. Just because you're uncomfortable with the fact that that the vast majority of MCS "sufferers" are middle class, middle aged white women doesn't give you license to attack the messenger.

I was going to write a great article about an even deadlier disease, ICS (Invisible Chemical Syndrome), but I decided to play half-life instead. At any rate, how do these people react to all the chemicals they can't smell? Fluoride in the water, smog in the air, The green-house effect poisoning our atmosphere with deadly CO2, the bleach residue in my heroin needles, etc... Maybe these folks could move out into space. If we put them in a thick metal container that shielded them from the deadly radiation from stars (sunlight), they should be all set.

Also, put that cigar out. I can smell it all the way up here. I think it's giving me MCS.


Swirly Thing

Al A Gorey

Think about it! Even his coining the phrase “Information Super Highway” is wrong. There are millions of nodes out there, but what connects them is telephone lines and 56K modems in 85% of the cases. A “super highways” would be wall-to-wall T3’s on Fiber Optic cable. Al liked to spend others peoples money, but he really didn’t understand it. By making us buy every swinging dick a PC and a modem, all he did was jam up what two-lane dirt road there is.

If he had said “let’s cut the capitalization time to three years from ten years on installing new fiber optic wiring”, that would have created the “super highway” he was so fond of.


Gore supporters brag that he coined that term. They should, instead, be embarrassed by it. Picturing the net as a highway guarantees you'll never understand it.

Swirly Thing

Clueless Kitty

Hiya, Dave - Love the Cue Cat/FlyingButtMonkeys story! But you left out one cute angle : DC sent these lame toys to everyone on the Wired mailing list, without any permission, by-your-leave, or even (of course) a clue.

Which, here in beeyooteful California, means that anyone who got one in the mail (like me) is legally allowed to do any damn thing they like with it. Use it, lose it, do the Richard Gere/Gerbil thing, whatever. State law about "unsolicited merchandise", don't ya know. DC hasn't a leg to stand on here in CA.

Oh, BTW, I managed to reprogram mine to send "YOUASSHOLES" as my individual serial number.

Maurice Tate

Swirly Thing

A Thin Green Shell

Well, thanks for the yellow summary of the Green's platform. I was too indifferent to look for their original or wade through it, especially when not even Ralph takes it seriously.

I guess I could argue that you lack a liberal education or you wouldn't have written some of those things. Then you would tell me that 'liberals' are bad. Then I would roll my eyes up. So I won't do that.

I will say that your statistical chances of becoming wealthy are small, but your chances of becoming disabled are much better. If disabled, there is also a pretty good chance that everything you own would be spent and then some. And if that happened, your view of liberals and even the Greens would improve a lot. I all but guarantee that.


You Guarantee it? Is that a money back guarantee?

I'm used to lefties putting words in my mouth when debating - it's one of their favorite tricks. They'll claim you said something you didn't, condemn you for it, and then declare victory when you refuse to play that game, usually insisting their misinterpretation was exactly what you meant. But you've taken it a step further - you're telling me what I'm
going to say in the future. And with "all but " a guarantee as well!

Well, your web site is not something I love or hate. But, I do appreciate people that put up interesting material. That makes it a success in my book.

I knew there was a good reason why people shouldn't vote for Ralph Nader or the Green party. As for the income and investment limits, of course those don't apply to the ruling proletariat. That's why you put people like Nader in power, so you can use their power to protect your high income and investments. The whole thing is a control front for socialism and a form of dictatorship (gee, just like Russia and Lenin). In fact, if you chase down some of the more interesting reading about education in America today, you will find lots of similar material (web search: Dumbing Down of America, Dumbing Down of Schools, Goals 2000 etc.)

Ken Kashmarek
Eldridge Iowa

Swirly Thing

"Roadrunner, We Suck Faster" and "Telemarketers, Make My Day" were two of the first articles we published. Although they are well over two years old, they continue to generate lots of mail.

Telemarketers, Make My Day

Dear Hittman,

I would like to comment on your page. First of all I would like to tell you I am a telemarkerter... and yes sir its a real job. I think your page is somewhat funny but let me tell you a few things. no matter how long you keep us on the phone, we too, can mute all that "funny" stuff you think we are listening to. Hanging up on us is no big deal we just look at the person beside us and say "what an asshole" he was. You make our day, we laugh and talk about you on our breaks. So if you think you are getting to this telemarkerter, think again, cause I love a customer who thinks he is one up on us... YOU MAKE MY DAY..........

Karen Greencorn

Congratulations on growing a thick skin. Is it scaley?

It may be a real job, but harassing people in their homes can never be a legitimate job.

Recently New York State put a program in place that lets us opt out of your harassment. Anyone ignoring the opt out list is subject to hefty fines. That made my day.

Great page! Your piece about telemarketers reminds me of one of my favorite examples. I used to get calls nearly every weekend from the Boston Globe trying to get me to subscribe. I not only hate telemarketing, but the Globe is a filthy piece of socialist trash, to the left of the Daily Worker. You would think somebody screaming DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN!!!! loud enough to rattle the windows would give these jerks a clue, but nooo...

The last time they called it went like this:

Them: "Hi, I'm Dave Fucknuckle from the Boston Globe"

Me (in confused sounding voice): Errr.. Is that a newspaper?

Them: Oh, yes sir, it;s the most respected paper in Boston. Would you like to subscribe?

Me: I don't think that would do me any good. I've been blind since birth.

I never heard from them again.

Geof Weil

When I have time and am in the proper frame of mind, I read classic poetry to phone solicitors. My favorite poem for this purpose is "Excelsior!" by Longellow. I read it as slowly as I can. I have also picked up the phone and said "Hi ho trailus boot whip" instead of "Hello." If I could somehow hook my CD player up to my phone, I'd like to tell the phone solicitor to "please hold," and then play Mahler's 8th Symphony as background music while they hold (for 75 minutes or so).

Mike Robbins
San Antonio, Texas

Swirly Thing

Roadrunner, We Suck Faster

I read your page about roadrunner and Ii have to agree with you on a lot of the run-around they give. I have tried to download files either in usenet or the web and either get timed out or a bandwidth of 0.1kb/s. I tried to download a 3.2mb file from and it said EDT 45 minutes. They say that you get 256k/s but they don't tell you that you get that as long as the site you go to says


Just thought you would like to know that RoadRunner's SMTP server for OHIO has been effectively down since last Thursday ....a whole week!

First they said that it was a "learning curve" issue related to moving the server from Kansas-City...then they said that they didn't know what it was.. then they claimed that it was the Sircam Virus.. now they don't know what it is or when it will be fixed.

This is the second time that SMTP services have been lost for more than 5 days this year.

When you call up (unless you bully your way to level 3) either the customer service reps don't know anything about the problem or they claim that, since e-mail comes free with Roadrunner, it's not a critical service. Yuch!

The pity is, the raw connectivity seems to be very reliable in this area. But if anything were to go wrong.. I doubt that TW has the smarts to fix it. Now I have to logon to my (backup) dialup account just to send this e-mail

David Cohen

Just wanted to tell you I enjoyed your site. I was especially ROFL at the comment about how they've gone from utter contempt of the customers to apathy.

I use the NYCAP "service" and have had a nightmare with it recently. In early 2000 I was constantly losing the connection for 2-3 hours at a time. (I also had problems with the digital cable but that was fixed.) The cable light on the modem would either blink or go dead. It would happen every other day. Techs would come out and would never be able to find anything. I would always get lip service about how the problem won't happen again. The problem seemed to go away between May 2000 and December 2000.

In mid January it started up again and got progressively worse in February. They sent out a "tech" on 2/21. He looked over everything in my apartment and found nothing at all. Again I got the lip service about this not happening again. Well, less than a week after the visit, the "service" went dead entirely. It's still gone. I got a new modem and that didn't accomplish anything. Since I can't take time off from work the first available visit for one of their "techs" is 3/9. I doubt they'll find anything wrong this time either. I told them that if they can't fix it this time, I will cancel.


Swirly Thing

The Facts

(Note: The Facts is a separate website, run under this domain name)

"Information on smoking that's based on facts"!? What a radical concept! Not likely to be embraced among those who consider the facts to be irrelevant, and for whom "independent thought" is an oxymoron! :-) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how glad I am to have found your website.

Carpe diem


Fred, did you read the site? Did you understand it? Perhaps you should visit the nearest library and ask the first person you see to whack you with a clue bat.

Smoking is a disgusting habit. Period. I resent each and every smoker who has ever blown smoke into my face. People who do not smoke should never ever under in circumstance have to inhale that vile crap. All smokers should either have to smoke in a glassed in room(like at the airport) or they should smoke ONLY in the privacy of their own home. THAT is my opinion and I am working hard to rally all the other nonsmokers I know to follow my lead & become militant nonsmokers also.

Thank You,
Lisa Owens

There's just not enough ignorance, hate and intolerance in the world. It's a good thing we've got people like you to create and spread more.

Saying that smoke from someone's cigarette is harmful to a bystander is like saying the following:

1) If you're in the same room as someone who is eating a taco, you will get heartburn.
2) If you are downwind of your neighbor cooking hamburgers on his grill, your cholesterol will go up.
3) If you can smell alcohol on someone's breath, you will get drunk.
4) If you ever spent any time outdoors, you will die of carbon monoxide exposure from cars.


Thank you so much for your page. I have been looking for ammo to refute a letter in my local paper, and I found it all here, and very well laid out. Keep up the good work

Sandra Barone
South Africa

I'm glad you find it useful. Feel free to use whatever you find there however you wish. Is the anti-smoking movement active in South Africa?

Her Reply:

Yes - the anti-smoking movement has suddenly reared it's ugly head here in South Africa. Last year legislation was passed, effective 1st Jan 2001 which:

- Bans all smoking in any public places. These include offices, restaurants, pubs, hotels etc., in fact any and every place except your home, your car and outdoors.

- If smoking is to be allowed, it must be in a separate area with signs designating it as such and also with signs declaiming the dangers of smoking. This area may not exceed 25% of floor space, it must be physically walled off from the rest of the area and must have a completely separate air conditioning system venting out into the open i.e. not sharing any part of the air conditioning with the precious non smokers. If an establishment does not wish to go to the expense of the requisite alterations it can declare itself to be totally smoke free, however the converse does not apply.

- Cigarette advertising/sponsorship is completely banned.

- There are no exceptions whatsoever to these rules. No-one can apply for any exemptions of any nature whatsoever.

- Fines are R200.00 (approx $25) for smokers breaking the rules and R20,000.00 (approx $2500) for the establishment proprietor. This may not seem a huge amount in dollars, but in our pathetic currency it is. A totally unskilled laborer will work for a salary of R1500.00 per month, and a restaurant turning over R500,000.00 a month before expenses is considered to be doing very well. Our cigarettes are still cheap by your standards, $13 a carton of 200, but as is common, a large part of that goes to the government in taxes, and these taxes are raised every year in the budget.

For the first 6 months of the year the government announced it would be lenient to give people time to get used to the new laws, and also to allow owners time to do the necessary building, however from the 1st July it has announced it's intention of cracking down.

My experience so far is that most restaurant owners are making a sincere effort to have a separate smoking section, but very few have been able to afford the structural alterations, especially in what are usually rented premises. A lot are also just ignoring the laws. However if they were to be fined R20,000.00 they would probably have to shut down. I am waiting with interest to see what happens now. Of course you have the usual rabid nico nazis declaring that this is wonderful. For example, the letter I wish to reply to starts like this "Your article "Last puff for smokers" is cause for celebration. At last the promised law to control smokers will have some teeth. Why the Health Department had to wait so long I don't know. This law is founded on sound health policies, which are practiced in an increasing number of countries. No longer will I have to wash my hair before going to bed after going to a restaurant, to get rid of the vile stench of stale smoke ..... Controlling smokers makes a lot of sense because the government has to carry the costs of all those full hospital beds...."

Now all this is happening in a country where the crime rate is the highest in the world and people are dying daily from violent crime. Drinking to excess is totally socially acceptable and hundreds die as a result, both from alcohol induced violence, and from drunken driving. The majority of vehicles still use leaded petrol and no-one even knows what a catalytic convertor is, There may be rules against industrial pollution, but they are certainly not being enforced. The unemployment rate is officially 30% but far higher in reality. An officially estimated 25% of the population is already infected with AIDS, again probably much higher in reality. Figures show that some 60% of all hospital beds are in fact occupied by dying AIDS patients, and in any case the health system here is so terrible that going to a state hospital is practically a death sentence in itself. Private health insurance is a must. Oh, and children are still dying in droves here. Some from poverty and malnutrition, hundreds from AIDS. But our president does not believe in AIDS, and the Health Department does not want to give free anti-retrovirals to HIV positive expectant mothers because "the possible dangers have not yet been fully explored" Go figure!

Sorry about the lengthy ranting and raving, but I just get so angry and frustrated here. Anyhow I try to do my little bit, although I am now wondering if the newspaper will even publish my reply, because as is common worldwide they tend to publish only what they think people will want to see.


Swirly Thing

What Were They Smoking?

Hi Dave,

Thanks for your site to shed some accuracy on the "do-gooders", or more accurately, "do-it-my-way-or-I'll-kill-you" syndrome. Interesting that so seldom cars are brought into the proper perspective. For example, some kids have been raised for years in a smokers house with negligible detriment to their health, but spending 5hrs on the back of a pickup truck and they are dead. (Calif'96)

Reminds me of a few years ago; When an LA TV station crew took a gas spectrometer to a number of bars to record the poisonous gasses present from smokers. While there were some, they recorded "more poisonous gasses present while sitting in freeway traffic, while returning to the station, than even the smokiest bar recorded."

If the "do-gooders" were really interested in effective reduction they would outlaw autos in downtown LA, stagger freeway loading, and most wasteful of all, spiteful traffic signal timing. (The amount of pollutants generated from needlessly stopping/starting vehicles exceeds all other ingested sources. Engines are most "dirty" when accelerating..a richer mixture is necessary to accelerate).

We smokers should get a tax discount because we won't live as long as others - if Rob Reiners statements are to be believed. One of the reasons I smoke is the calming effect it has on me. Otherwise, I might want to eliminate a Rob Reiner type! Alcohol will probably give me the incentive/courage to do it.

I've never heard of somebody, depressed over their spouse, smoking a couple packs of cigarettes and then killing themselves. Not true with alcohol. If the "do-gooders" were at all fair, they would put a lot larger tax on booze than cigs due to its real cost to society.

Ah shit! I guess I'll have another cig, to calm me down, and focus on accomplishing something worthwhile/achievable today. Thanks again for your site - and reading my diatribe.

Preston Petty

lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, WE DON'T WANNA EAT AROUND YOU!!!! WE DON'T WANNA SMELL YOU, STINKERS, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, WE DON'T WANT LUNG CANCER, DRAGON PUFF, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, WE DON'T WANT OUR DRESS AND HAIR SMELL LIKE SMOKERS, lick ashtray, STOP LITTERING OUR STREET AND SIDEWALK WITH CIGARETTE BUTTS, WE DON'T WANT OUR SHOES STEP ON THEM, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, WE DON'T WANNA CLEAN YOUR ASHTRAY, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, UGLY BURNT BUTT FACE, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, WE WANT FRESH AIR, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray, lick ashtray


You don't sound too Luscious to me. Or like much of a lady. Or too bright, for that matter.

It's interesting to find someone naive enough to believe that a point of view based on logic, common sense, and the principle that we are all responsible for our own actions still has some merit in this country. (big grin!) Don't you realize that you are no longer responsible for your actions. Furthermore, don't you realize that using your brain is also decidedly out of fashion! How 50's, step into the new century! Allow me to set you straight!

What I propose is for you to repeat each of the following sentences to yourself (out loud) 10 times each day for a week. At the end of the week I'm sure you'll have a more modern outlook on things. Shall we begin?
#1 I tried it, but I didn't inhale!
#2 I wouldn't have burned my crotch if the coffee wasn't hot!
#3 I didn't know cigarettes were bad for me! #4 Dungeon's & Dragons made me do it!
#5 The violence in the cartoons I watched as a kid (Buggs Bunny, Roadrunner) affected me, mentally.
#6 The violence in movies caused it!
#7 Money talks, O.J. walks!
#8 Judas Priest puts satanic messages in their music.
#9 My parents never held me.
#10 Mass media always tells the whole truth.

OK. Enough sarcasm. If I believed any of the things I just wrote I would gladly give you my home address so you could come and put me out of my misery. Not only that, but I'd provide you with the instrument to do it and an $18 Cohiba to smoke while you were doing it.

It's truly sad that an American jury, comprised of supposedly rational adults can have their perceptions twisted by the media and a pair of high priced attorneys. It just goes to show how much a good spin doctor can do for you!! I enjoyed your piece on the net. I hope my sense of humor didn't offend you to much, but I was in sort of a whimsical mood when I started to write this letter.


P.S. Please keep writing and spotlighting absurdities!

Rational Adults are carefully screened out of American Juries. In this particular trial they spent three months selecting six people. The judge allowed them to spend that long hunting for six people that stupid.

Swirly Thing

Older mailbag entries have been archived here and here.

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© 2001 Dave Hitt

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