The Hittman Chronicle

The Knowledge Network, a company in the Albany, NY area, serves as an intermediary between people who would like to teach and people who would like to learn. Experts, either real of self-proclaimed, sign up to teach classes. The Knowledge Network publicizes classes in a monthly flyer, then collects the tuition from anyone interested in a class. Classes run from one to four evenings, and cover everything from Archery to Zen (and occasionally, Zen Archery).

I'm currently taking a course, and thought I'd like to teach a couple as well, but they take an outragous cut of the tuition fee. So I've decided to open THMC University myself. You can get the courses directly from me, knowing that all the profits will go to a worthy cause (beer.) Upon completion of the course you will receive a lovely certificate, suitable for framing, that cost me about a quarter at Kinkos.

How to Clean My Office: Course fee: $39.00.

This hands-on course will teach you to thoroughly clean and organize a home office. Start with determining what to keep and what to discard. Learn how to rearrange bookshelves to hold the maximum amount of spare computer parts and old magazines. Secrets of dusting, vacuuming and how to get those cobwebs near the ceiling will be discussed in detail. Classes are held from 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM on the last Tuesday of every month.

How to Detail My Car: Course Fee: $39.00

There's more to detailing a car than washing, waxing and vacuuming it. Learn the right way to clean every nook and cranny, how to make the wax gleam, and how to return the change found between the seats to the instructor. Classes are held every Wednesday from 7:00 PM to 10:00 PM.

How to Paint My House: Course Fee: $109.

Our best educational buy - 46 hours of instruction for just $109! This two weekend course will teach you how to paint like a pro. Weekend one: Selecting the best music to play on the boom box while working. How to scrape paint. The best way to caulk. Ladder safety. Weekend two: How to buy paint (materials fee, $50.) Painting trim. Painting everything else. Cleanup. Classes are held from 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM, with a half hour lunch break, Saturday and Sunday, for two consecutive weekends. Don't forget to bring your lunch!

Ladies only: How to Sexually Satisfy Your Man: Course Fee: $39.00

Learn how to satisfy your man quickly, so you can get back to doing something you like. All classes are personal, one-on-one private sessions. Classes are held every other evening at 7:00, 7:15, 7:30, 7:45 and 8:00.


You can sign up with confidence, knowing that each and every course at the THMC University is covered by our exclusive no-money-back guarantee. If you are not completely delighted with any course, for any reason, your money will be quickly and cheerfully spent.

March, 2001


© 2001 Dave Hitt

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