The Hittman Chronicle

Newspapers usually wait until a week or two before elections to endorse the candidates they selected last year. THMC is going one better, announcing our endorsement just days before the election, partly because no major newspaper has endorsed the right candidate, but mostly because I just thought of it.

The Hittman Chronicle endorses Harry Brown for President. We also endorse Rick Lazio for New York State Senator, and Hillary Clinton for a free bus ticket back home, where ever that is.

Al Gore is a walking encyclopedia. He knows lots and lots of facts, but has little discernment, and no wisdom. If he were standing on train tracks and saw a train approaching, he'd know how to measure its distance by standing on the left rail, then the right rail, and triangulating the parallax. He'd know how to calculate the speed of the train by doing it again thirty seconds later, and how to calculate, to the nearest second, how long it would take the train to reach him. He'd then take a poll to see if the general public thought it would be a good idea for him to step off the track or not. (I'd vote no.)

Pounding locomotive metaphors into the ground, Al also sees the world as a runaway train, and himself as the engineer who can steer it in the right direction. Anyone telling him he can't steer a train is written off as an ignorant charlatan who must be working for big business or Republicans. The very best America can hope for with Al at the controls, using litigation to get around the constitution, is a severe derailment. Nothing is as dangerous as a man who wants to save the world and has the power to attempt it.

If you're considering voting for Gore and haven't read "Earth In The Balance," you probably don't have time to get through it before the election. Fortunately, we've done the work for you, condensing the tome into an easy to read article. And if you're still not convinced, take this little test.

Bush is a likeable enough mensch, and it's unlikely he'll be able to accomplish much. Considering that every time the Feds accomplish something we lose freedom, an incompetent president who can't get a lot done is a great thing; it can help slow our slide to a police state. The major concern with Bush is his anti-abortion stance. But the Supremes hate reversing themselves, so even if he manages to pick a few judges who want to abolish this basic right it's very unlikely they'll succeed. If you must vote for the status quo, Bush isn't nearly as dangerous as Gore.

Regular readers of THMC know how much we despise the nanny state. Ralph Nader embodies everything nanny, and as an added bonus he's even more hypocritical than the other candidates. His party gleefully attacks the wealthy, while he sucks down hundreds of thousands a year to augment his four million dollar personal portfolio. He doesn't sing poor-mouth that often, but never corrects his followers when they do it for him. He demands accountability, but refuses to be accountable himself. For instance, although it has been proved beyond any doubt that the Corvair is as safe as any other car in it's class, he stands by the claims that made him famous. But…if you're thinking of voting for him, by all means, go for it. Talk to all your Democratic friends, convince them how important a protest vote is, and drive them to the polls if necessary. Please, do everything you can to turn out the vote for Ralph, especially in the states where Gore and Bush are too close to call.

And finally we get to The Hittman Chronicle's Endorsement. Unlike any of the other candidate, Harry Browne has not only read the constitution, he actually believes in it. He's the only candidate serious about ending the War On Some Drugs, promising the first thing he'll do in office is pardon everyone serving time for non-violent drug crimes. He hates the IRS as much as everyone, but is the only one willing to do something about it. By shutting them down he would shut down our plethora of unconstitutional federal agencies. He believes the military should be defending our country, not playing policeman to the rest of the world. And he's the only candidate who has a proposal that will solve the Ponzi scheme known as Social Security.

Now on to the race for New York State, where I live. Way back in April of 1999, in the very first issue of THMC, we published an article on why Hillary has no business with the state of New York. Everything in that article still applies today, and it doesn't even get into her Huge Government Is Your Mommy, Daddy, Doctor, Nanny, and Village attitude. At that time she was running against one of the most vile politicians on the roster, a strutting dictator who made the subways run on time, but fortunately had to drop out of the race. Now she's up against Rick Lazio. He's mostly harmless, a likable guy, a pro-choice Republican, but most importantly, he's not Hillary. He knows something about this state because he's lived in it, not because some aid just whispered a factoid in his ear.

There are so many people running for various offices that few of us have the time or inclination to learn about them all. If you need to make a quick decision, vote against the incumbent. That way, instead of them making the same tired old mistakes we're likely to have them make fresh new mistakes, which will at least be more amusing.

One of the candidates running in my neck of the woods is named Hugh Farley, and he's been around forever. I'd like to advise him to make Hugh is middle name and change his first name to Chuck. Everyone will remember it, and some people will even use it as a insult on a regular basis. Who could ever forget Chuck Hugh Farley? (If you don't get it, say it out loud. If you still don't get it, you're probably voting for Buchanan.)

So Vote for Browne and, if you live in New York, vote for Lazio. If you must vote for the status quo, and buy into the "wasted vote" nonsense, vote for Bush. But if you're honestly considering voting for The Unibomber Gore, consider Nader instead. Better yet, just stop at the video store instead of the voting booth, then go directly home, make a big bowl of popcorn, and settle in. There are lots of good movies you haven't seen yet.

November, 2000


© 2000 Dave Hitt

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