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Ron Paul has spent forty years photographing beautiful women, often unencumbered by any clothing. (The women, that is, not Ron.) He also spent several years breeding show horses. So his latest venture, auctioning off the eggs of select models, seems a natural fit. The only surprise is that no one has done it sooner.

His site, Ron's Angels, features a few photos of pretty women, a bit of editorializing, and a sign up page where you can buy a membership. Membership costs twenty-five dollars for one month or fifty bucks for three. That's enough to keep the curious at bay, but no hurdle for serious shoppers, considering that the bidding starts at $15,000. Ron claims he's already received a legitimate bid for $42,000. You would think, at that price, you'd get to personally fertilize the eggs before they were removed from the model, but that doesn't appear to be an option.

Even at these outrageous prices it's still a crapshoot. There are no guarantees these lovely ladies will result in lovely offspring. It's not uncommon for a good-looking couple to have an ugly kid. (I was going to put a link to a Chesea Clinton fan page in here, but there aren't any. Evidently daddy has been having them shut down.) Most babies are born cute - ugly tends to blossom in adolescence - but ugly babies do come along occasionally. As soon as one of Ron's customers has a kid that looks like Rodney Dangerfield his business will be finished, and he'll have to go back to photographing gorgeous nudes. Poor, poor Ron.

Of course this has generated the usual stupid comments, starting with the trite, "What kind of society places such a value on beauty?" Answer: Ours. And every other society made up of mammals. Or birds or fish or amphibians. Genetics, not society, makes us prefer beauty when looking for a mate. The animal kingdom is full of critters with elaborate plumage or coloring or features that would hinder their survival except for one thing: it makes them more attractive to the opposite sex. It started when the first amphibian crawled from the ooze. "Hey, what are you doing?" "It's called walking." "What are those things under your belly?" "I call them legs." "Wow. Nice legs."

The second most common/stupid observation is "This just perpetuates the idea that people should be judged by their looks." A half dozen models selling their seed to a few indulgent yuppies is going to have exactly as much effect on the way beautiful people are regarded as peeing in Lake Michigan would have on the lake's water level.

The most amusing cluelessness was on display in the consistently awful Feedmag. The article, by an academic (surprise, surprise) starts out by referring to Ron as a two-bit pornographer. This is the first indication the writer doesn't get out much - porn costs more than a quarter these days. Then the author fantasizes that this is an elaborate scam to sell pornography. Evidently he's under the mistaken impression that it's difficult to find dirty pictures on the Internet, and that those who provide them do it secretly. Someone should buy him a modem.

The prize for the stupidest comment goes to a CNN reporter, who said, "there is some concern that this could lead to only wealthy people being able to have children." Huh? The old fashioned method of making babies got our population to six billion, and remains wildly popular all over the world.

Prospective parents, before you plunk down tens of thousands of dollars for some genetic material, give some careful thought to the kind of world your kids will experience. The next generation may be better off if they're just average looking. If they're too beautiful people will think they're stupid, and if they're ugly, well, nobody likes ugly people, so average is a better goal. The Internet will allow everyone to communicate with everybody, including the most clever con men and rip-off artists, so they'll need to be very cynical to avoid being ripped off. Internet communication will also make good writing skills essential. Our economy will have crashed from lawyers plundering every industry in the country and nannies will have passed so many laws no one will be able to do anything remotely enjoyable, so they'll be miserable unless watching everything swirl the drain makes them laugh. In short, the kids with the best prospect for happiness and survival will be average-looking cynical writers who think human stupidity is uproariously amusing.

Bidding starts at ten grand. Give me a call.


© 1999 Dave Hitt

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