Celebrating Earth Hour

Turning off the lights and burning candles instead might feel good, but it occurred to me it probably puts more CO2 in the air than just leaving the lights on.  I wasn’t sure how to calculate the numbers, so Googled the information, and found someone else had already done the math.

Still, I enjoy meaningless symbolism, and wanted to participate in a way that really would help the environment.  I visited a protest rally where “environmentalists” were opposing solar and wind power in the Mohave Desert.  I had been at such rallies before, where I bitch slapped a few people while screaming, “It’s the fucking desert, you morons!”  Surprisingly, that was ineffective, but this time I had something different in mind.

I introduced myself to the greasiest hippie I could find and invited him to celebrate Earth Hour at my home.  When the appointed hour arrived I shut off all my lights and invited him to join me and my neighbors in the back yard.

We told him he was the guest of honor, and formed a circle around him.  Then I set him on fire, and we all laughed and laughed in the bright light of Hippie Fire.  (That’s why I picked a greasy one.  They’re easier to light and burn longer and brighter.)

Now, I’m not a cruel man.  I didn’t want to cause him any unnecessary pain, so before immolating him, I knocked him unconsciousness with the club I use to hunt baby seals.

We all had a grand time, although a few of the neighbors on the downwind side of the circle said the smoke made them light headed, for some reason.  Not only did we have a nice bright light to help celebrate our environmental awareness, we felt good knowing we had helped the planet –  there is now one less protester against renewable energy.

– – –

Edited to Add:  This Video, from the Competitive Enterprise Institute, sums up my feelings about Earth Hour.


3 Comment(s)

  1. Dave,
    Are you really Eric Cartman??? I responded to the call to Celebrate Earth Hour by turning my lights ON for an hour. I was certain there would be no harm as I pay the electric bill.

    Brian | Mar 29, 2009 | Reply

  2. Don’t make fun of me! Respect my authoritiay!

    Dave Hitt | Mar 29, 2009 | Reply

  3. The problem with burning hippies that that they generate an enormous volume of foul emissions!

    Sean Carmody | Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

Post a Comment