Quick Hitts

I prefer to be called Dave, not David.  The first time someone calls me David I correct them with one word: “Dave.”  If they persist, it’s not a big deal.
Her Royal Highness Elizabeth Becton, the office manager for Rep. Jim McDermot, has a different approach.  She gets snotty, pissy, bitchy, and just when you’d think [...]

I’m finding so many stupid things believers do I was thinking of starting a separate blog – Things Atheists Didn’t Do – to list them.  But the last thing I need is another blog, so I’ve just made it a category on this one.
The only difference between Kosher salt and regular salt is the grind.  [...]

A friend, who has one of the funniest blogs on the internet, sent me a link to a story about PETA that was too disgusting to even consider writing about. So I considered it. And he considered it. We wrote back and forth about how disgusting it was. It was like a contest between adolescent [...]

As an enthusiastic amateur chef I’m always looking for new food items and kitchen gadgets. Especially gadgets. Some gadgets are handy, some are just fun, and quite a few of them are useless.
Recently I found the most useless kitchen gadget ever. Dean & Deluca, purveyors of high priced and overpriced goods, is selling [...]

Most of us associate religious whack-jobbery with Christian and Muslim fundies. At first glance it may appear that mainstream Christian denominations have grown up a bit, and are not quite as goofy as the fringes.
A mass of wacky catholics have stepped up to correct that misconception.
Webster Cook, a student at University of Central Florida, walked [...]

Quick, which state has the most mouth-breating, slack jawed, drooling morons on their school boards?
If you guessed Kansas, Alabama or Mississippi, you might be right. But Florida is doing everything they can to prove they can be just as encephalitic as any of the goober states. Several counties are considering teaching creationism in [...]

If you want to go fishing in any of the Great Lakes, be sure to have your passport. And to fax in all your ID info to customs an hour before you leave. And then visit customs afterward to have your photographs taken, along with a sliver of your dignity.
These are new rules [...]

In yet another example of police state extremes/stupidity, a man who swore at a police dog has been charged with animal cruelty.
“Police say Rogers yelled an obscene statement in the window as he walked past a patrol vehicle that contained a patrol dog “causing (the dog’s) behavior to become overloaded, tormenting the dog,” the affidavit [...]

How many mouth-breathing brain-dead adults can you find in this picture?
A fourteen year old boy in Lewisville Texas applied some hand sanitizer that was on his fifth grade teachers desk.  He smelled it, but evidently inhaled too deeply.
The school officials called the cops, who hauled him into the police department, photographed and fingerprinted him.  The [...]

No matter what the problem is, sooner or later someone will Blame The Jews. In yet another example why it’s so difficult to write satire in this world, a group calling themselves “Green Hanukkah” is calling on Jews to combat global warming by lighting one less Hanukkah candle. Each unburned candle will save [...]

The Mayor of Cincinnati won’t fire off a starter pistol to signal the beginning of an upcoming road race, because he doesn’t like the symbolism.
“I think the symbolism is just bad,” he said. “It’s just something I don’t do.”
The mayor says he’s going to blow a whistle instead.
Last year the city had 87 homicides, and [...]

If you eat meat, neither of these people will have sex with you.
They call themselves Vegansexuals, because they wouldn’t want to call themselves something ridiculous, and think they’re making a point by refusing to have sex with carnivores.
Can you think of a better reason to order a thick, juicy steak?
The woman is the one on [...]

The setup: An old guy decides to ride his old-guy scooter on the highway.
The cops tell him to pull over. He swears at them and cranks it up to it’s maximum speed: 8 MPH.
The punch line: He got away!