If you want to go fishing in any of the Great Lakes, be sure to have your passport. And to fax in all your ID info to customs an hour before you leave. And then visit customs afterward to have your photographs taken, along with a sliver of your dignity.
These are new rules to protect us from terrorists. Don’t you feel safer now? Of course you do, comrade.
Sheesh, could our government get any more stupid and incompetent? Probably. Stay tuned.
In yet another example of police state extremes/stupidity, a man who swore at a police dog has been charged with animal cruelty.
“Police say Rogers yelled an obscene statement in the window as he walked past a patrol vehicle that contained a patrol dog “causing (the dog’s) behavior to become overloaded, tormenting the dog,” the affidavit states.”
It sounds like the dog needs some serious training. Not to mention the cops.
How many mouth-breathing brain-dead adults can you find in this picture?
A fourteen year old boy in Lewisville Texas applied some hand sanitizer that was on his fifth grade teachers desk. He smelled it, but evidently inhaled too deeply.
The school officials called the cops, who hauled him into the police department, photographed and fingerprinted him. The DA charged him with delinquency, claiming he smelled the stuff “induce a condition of intoxication, hallucination and elation.”
Eventually the charges were dropped, but not until the boy’s father hired a lawyer and the story received media attention.
It’s not surprising that a school administrator would do this - they are almost always anal retentive dull normals with less imagination than a Britney Spears lyricist. But any cop with a double digit IQ should have laughed the thing off, called the school official a disparaging name, and then snickered about it over donuts back at the station. Instead, he hauled the kid in and treated him like a criminal. The police chief should have stopped it right there, but he didn’t. The prosecutor should have cited the police for being assholes and ended it there. But it wasn’t until lawyers and the media were called in that any of the authoritarians backed down.
The school officials, the cop, the chief and the prosecutor should all get together - in the unemployment line.
No matter what the problem is, sooner or later someone will Blame The Jews. In yet another example why it’s so difficult to write satire in this world, a group calling themselves “Green Hanukkah” is calling on Jews to combat global warming by lighting one less Hanukkah candle. Each unburned candle will save a whopping fifteen grams of CO2.
The founder of “Green Hanukkah” says, “”the campaign calls for Jews around the world to save the last candle and save the planet, so we won’t need another miracle.”
Over the yeas I’ve heard several Jewish friends admit that Hanukkah is so dull they usually make it to the forth or fifth day before they say “screw it” and stop bothering with the ritual. Little did they know they were saving the world.
The Mayor of Cincinnati won’t fire off a starter pistol to signal the beginning of an upcoming road race, because he doesn’t like the symbolism.
“I think the symbolism is just bad,” he said. “It’s just something I don’t do.”
The mayor says he’s going to blow a whistle instead.
Last year the city had 87 homicides, and this is his solution.
Pathetic, isn’t it? Starter pistols don’t kill people, people with starter pistols. . . no, that doesn’t work either. You can’t kill someone with a starter pistol unless you beat them to death with it.
One of the race’s organizers said “We’re just happy to have the mayor I don’t care if he wants to bang pots and pans together.”
What? Doesn’t she realize a cast iron frying pan makes a great homicide weapon? I’ll bet at least a few of those 87 homicides were done with kitchen utensils.
If you eat meat, neither of these people will have sex with you.
They call themselves Vegansexuals, because they wouldn’t want to call themselves something ridiculous, and think they’re making a point by refusing to have sex with carnivores.
Can you think of a better reason to order a thick, juicy steak?
The woman is the one on the left. Probably.
The setup: An old guy decides to ride his old-guy scooter on the highway.
The cops tell him to pull over. He swears at them and cranks it up to it’s maximum speed: 8 MPH.
The punch line: He got away!