Quick Hitts

In yet another example of police state extremes/stupidity, a man who swore at a police dog has been charged with animal cruelty. “Police say Rogers yelled an obscene statement in the window as he walked past a patrol vehicle that contained a patrol dog “causing (the dog’s) behavior to become overloaded, tormenting the dog,” the [...]

How many mouth-breathing brain-dead adults can you find in this picture? A fourteen year old boy in Lewisville Texas applied some hand sanitizer that was on his fifth grade teachers desk.  He smelled it, but evidently inhaled too deeply. The school officials called the cops, who hauled him into the police department, photographed and fingerprinted [...]

No matter what the problem is, sooner or later someone will Blame The Jews. In yet another example why it’s so difficult to write satire in this world, a group calling themselves “Green Hanukkah” is calling on Jews to combat global warming by lighting one less Hanukkah candle. Each unburned candle will save a whopping [...]

The Mayor of Cincinnati won’t fire off a starter pistol to signal the beginning of an upcoming road race, because he doesn’t like the symbolism. “I think the symbolism is just bad,” he said. “It’s just something I don’t do.” The mayor says he’s going to blow a whistle instead. Last year the city had [...]

If you eat meat, neither of these people will have sex with you. They call themselves Vegansexuals, because they wouldn’t want to call themselves something ridiculous, and think they’re making a point by refusing to have sex with carnivores. Can you think of a better reason to order a thick, juicy steak? The woman is [...]

The setup: An old guy decides to ride his old-guy scooter on the highway. The cops tell him to pull over. He swears at them and cranks it up to it’s maximum speed: 8 MPH. The punch line: He got away!