I’ve never liked the term whatever-phobe, which makes the usually spurious assumption that fear is the only reason to dislike something. I’m not afraid of Islam; I hate it because it is a vile religion that sucks in every way possible. I’m not an Islamophobe, I’m an Islamocontempter. I’m Islamodisgusted.
Likewise, those who hate gays are not usually afraid of them, they just don’t like them for a variety of (stupid ignorant) reasons. The term homophobe isn’t accurate.
Except when it is. Evidently queers scare the bejesus out of the Mormons. And a Mormon without his beJesus is a pitiful creature.
You’ve probably already seen this:
Just to clarify, here’s my positions on the issues involved. I despise the Mormon church (and I challenge anyone to use the term Mormonophobe without sounding more ridiculous than a toy poodle doing a pit bull impersonation). But the few Mormon people I’ve known have all been nice, friendly, decent folks. Perhaps it’s their magic underwear. My reaction to homosexuality is the same as most heterosexual men; the idea of gay sex between males is gross and disgusting, and between females is really hot and can I watch? But I honestly don’t give a damn how adults amuse themselves with their genitalia as long as they don’t scare the cattle. Just like my heterosexual friends, none of my gay friends have ever had sex in front of me. Guys, thank you. Ladies, come on, just once. Please?
So, hesitantly, I’m going to give you Mormons some advice on how to conduct your next “Them Fags is Scary” campaign.
First off, don’t. Gays aren’t scary. They just . . . aren’t. If you’d get to know a few of them you’d find they’re about as scary as, well, Mormons. So you have to give us a different reason to hate them. I have yet to hear a good one, but I’ll be happy to consider any you have to offer. For instance, I’ve been married for nearly three decades. If you can explain to me how my marriage will be threatened if two strangers with the same plumbing take vows, I’ll be happy to listen.
Secondly, don’t hide behind some front group. If you’re going to be asshats and douche bags, celebrate your asshattery and douche baggyness. Revel in it. You think Fred Pehlps is embarrassed about being an asshat? Hell no, he loves it, and he’s delighted to be known as the world’s biggest douche.
Thirdly, realize that in today’s world of instant communication and cheap production tools, anything you do is going to be parodied, so don’t make it so easy. Use some focus groups, and when they laugh out loud at your commercial, consider a different approach. Try some production values that require more than a green screen and some stock weather footage. This ad was self-parodying – additional parodies were redundant, but that didn’t stop anyone. There were so many parodies on YouTube I couldn’t find your original there – I had to look at the source code on your site to find the link.
Ok, back to the non-Mormon readers. Most of the parodies of this commercial sucked, bigtime. Here are a few that didn’t.
Gathering Storm Chasers:
Stephen Cobert did a great parody preceded by a great commentary, but the code Comedy Central provies to embed a link is crammed with useless and ugly crap that would take too long to clean up, so I’m just giving you the link.
And one more: