Urologists the UK are warning parents that young boys can’t be trusted to pee on their own.  “Crush Injuries” from falling toilet seats are on the rise.

They’re warning against wooden and ceramic toilet seats, and those stainless steal ones with the sharpened, perforated edges on the front are right out.  They’re advising that “soft fall” sets be installed in every bathroom in the home.  They fail to mention the biggest cause of falling seats – those damn fluffy covers women insist on adding to the lid.  They’re also advising parents to supervise every bathroom visit, because who wouldn’t enjoy the memory of mom watching every time you pee.  That couldn’t possibly have any bad effect.

They’re calling them Crush Injuries, which makes them sound horrible and severe and scary.  How horrible?  They’ve seen some swelling.  Yep.  A little swelling of the foreskin.  Insert your own swelling penis joke here.

How big is this epidemic of injury?  How many little boys in the UK have had their whanger whacked?  Four.  Four! Four boys got a minor injury and are now smart enough to never let it happen again, so the doctors go into a tizzy spreading fear, issuing statements and making goofy recommendations.

Someone should slam their dicks in a toilet lid.