If This Makes You Laugh
. . .you’re as old a geek as me.
Cigars – The Second Cut
This is such a simple way to improve your cigars enjoyment I’m surprised more herfers aren’t aware of it.
When you clip your cigar, remove less of the cap than you usually do. Then, when the stogie is somewhere between 1/2 and 2/3s finished, clip it again, taking off an 1/8 of an inch or so.
The second cut removes the tars that the tobacco has been filtering out, and you’ll find the flavor opens up and the thing just tastes better.
This works really well with a punch. A lot of us don’t like punches because some cigars get skankey about half way down, but the second cut trick takes care of that.
Try this on your next cigar and you’ll be surprised at how much difference it makes.
Swan Song
A friend of mine fell in love with a woman from across the pond, so he packed up and moved a few thousand miles. Since then he’s been publishing an amusing blog about being an American in the UK. Here’s his latest offering:
“Our town has a pleasingly diminutive shopping mall in its center. This mall is named Swan Walk Mall to commemorate The Swan Pub that was destroyed to make way for it, just as the pub, one must assume, was named for the swans it displaced. In 1990 a fetching bronze sculpture was placed in the central atrium, depicting three swans gliding in for a landing on a smooth plane of water, with tiny fountains squirting against the webbed feet and tail of the lead swan to give the illusion of movement.
It is a soothing and appropriate addition to the mall and for sixteen years people have been admiring it, milling around it or even standing next to it without once being killed, maimed or even happy-slapped by these placid figures. But lack of danger isn’t enough to fool the Health and Safety Enforcers; they have deemed the statue unsafe and it must go.
As a final act of lunacy, they have walled the statue off to keep the public away from the danger until they find a secure place to dump it.”
Read the rest here.
Update: The swans have been removed, but in a rare display of sanity the powers that be have decided to allow them back as part of ongoing renovations.
Poker - Finding Your Game
Poker - Finding Your Game
Poker players are always trying to improve their game. We’ll pay thirty bucks for a book and read it from cover to cover trying to find just one idea that will give us an incremental improvement. But I’ve recently discovered the best way to grow your bankroll - finding your game.
I’ve read dozens of books, studied tricky hands and experimented with different playing styles. But my bankroll always crept down, usually slowly. I’d book a few big wins and lots of little losses and the bottom line was that, over time, loses exceeded winnings. Not by a huge amount, but little by little, chipping away at my bankroll. It didn’t matter what kind of ring game I played, and tournaments were just an exercise in frustration.
In an attempt to improve my no limit game I started playing single table sit-n-gos. And I started winning. A lot. Not a lot of money, because I started out playing two dollar games, but finishing in the money most of the time. After a month I moved up to the five dollar games, and found they were just as easy to win. I moved on to the ten dollar tables, found my winning percentage dropped dramatically, so I’m back to the five dollar games for now.
The best way I’ve found to win is to avoid playing during the early rounds. Until the table is down to six players don’t play anything but super-premium hands, and be quick to lay them down if the flop looks scary. Let the hotshots and loose cannons take each other out. Save your chips for the middle round.
Once you’re down to six players it’s time to loosen up your starting hand requirements, although you should stick to good staring hands in late position. If the flop doesn’t hit you, fold. You’ll need to accumulate some chips to have a shot at the money, but avoid all in situations unless you’ve got the near nuts. And whatever you do, don’t chase flushes or straights unless you can do it for very few chips. Once the blinds hit 50/100 it’s time to start stealing them; until then it’s not worth the risk.
When you get down to four players the real fight starts. Most players will tighten up to avoid busting out on the bubble. If you’ve got a huge chip lead it makes sense to sit back and let the other players take each other out, but if you’re in the middle of the pack (or the bottom of the barrel) this is the time get aggressive. Steal blinds every chance you get. Use pot size raises to grab pots before the turn.
If you’re finding your bankroll is creeping down slowly, maybe you’re just not playing the right game. Experimenting with other games just might get your bankroll moving in the right direction.
A Universal Health Care Solution
I thought this e-mail, from Quick Hitts Podcast listener Don Venardos, was something you’d all enjoy. (Reprinted with Don’s Permission. The only e-mails I publish without permission are the nasty ones.)
My latest thought on healthcare:
Remove the restriction that limits group insurance to employment based organizations, then let the Democrats create the single payer system that they so desperately want for every member of the Democratic party, paid for by the dues from the Democratic party. They can set up whatever fee structure they want and have their own socialist bliss, whilst leaving those of us who prefer free markets to
ourselves.
If it is a good idea then their ranks will swell and they will be happy campers. Of course, with all of their soak the rich rhetoric I have a feeling that there will be no one left in the party to foot the bill, but there is no better lab than the real world, so if they are so convinced that this is the way to go then they should put their money where their mouth is and prove it to the world.
Regards,
Don Venardos
Making Up The Numbers
Many of the scary numbers we get from the “experts” are wrong, overstated, and in far too many cases, invented. They are ass numbers – numbers someone pulls out of their ass and then spews with authority. “Journalists” then print these ass numbers as if they’re real, but cover their own butts with the weasel words “according to.” “According to Dr. Bigshot McExpert drinking coffee causes a 34% increase in foot fungus.” Other “journalists” copy the story, repeating the claims. Rinse, lather, repeat and sooner or later, usually sooner, most of the public is confident in their knowledge of facts that aren’t facts at all.
This is rampant in the field of medicine, especially in medical claims used to create public policy and laws. It’s even more rampant in economics. Most economic estimates, projections and claims are just fanciful guesses designed to cause alarm where none is warranted.
Experts rely on ass numbers because they almost always get away with it. They’re seldom called on their claims. When they are, the results are usually enlightening and entertaining.
When blogger Michael Geist asked the Canadian police for proof of their claim that software piracy costs Canada thirty billon dollars a year, they said they, well, um, er, kinda sorta. . . made it up. They got their information from an industry front group that generates ass numbers for a living, and then repeated it. They also did some math, again picking random numbers for their calculations. You can read Michael’s story here.
Here’s a fun project for a rainy weekend. Scan the news for ass numbers. Pick one that seems really outrageous. If you like, you can do some research on your own to see if there’s any truth to the number, or even to find out what the real number should be, but that’s optional. Now send some e-mail to the reporters who wrote the story and any sources quoted in the article. Ask for specific sources of the numbers.
Some people will ignore you. Most who reply will evade the question. Persist. Ask them again. Be polite for at least the first few exchanges. You’ll learn a lot about trusting numbers from the experts.
A while back I did just that with ten different nicotine nanny organizations and individuals. You can read the results here.
Nicotine Nanny Gnomes Solve the Profit Puzzle
The Nicotine Nanny Gnomes in have figured a new way to profit on their persecution of smokers.
1. Kick smokers outside.
2. Photograph them smoking outside, eagerly waiting for them to drop a butt – then slap them with a big fine.
3. Profit!
The Perfect Sentence
So you’re sitting on your porch or walking down the street and the sights and sounds are pleasant and you’re in a good mood. Suddenly, fading in fast, you hear the thumpa thumpa thumpa of (c)rap “music” approaching. When it reaches you it’s blasting either from a black, shiny, leased SUV or a pathetic shitbox sedan, with uplifting lyrics like
I gonna kill da bitch
I gona kill da ho
I gonna take her head off
Wid my magnum foedy-foe
If you’re in Fort Lupton, Colorado, you can smile, knowing that that when this loser gets arrested for assaulting everyone’s eardrums with his horrible taste he’ll receive exactly the punishment he deserves.
Judge Paul Sacco sentences noise offenders to stand and listen a special mix: an hour of Barry Manllow, The Carpenters, and in what may violate the prohibition against torture, Barney. Violators must stay alert during the hour log punishment and are not allowed to read, chew gum, or do anything but listen to the tunes.
The judge says he has very few repeat offenders.
Well done, Judge Sacco. You’ve found a perfect balance of the punishment fitting the crime.
Mandatory Neutering & Spychipping
“HUNTINGTON BEACH – Huntington Beach is the first city in Orange County to consider a program that would make it mandatory for pet owners to spay or neuter and to have microchips inserted in their cats and dogs.”
I’ve always neutered my pets because it’s The Right Thing To Do. I don’t spychip my pets, but if the owner wants to that’s fine. But making it mandatory is more than ridiculous, it’s an incredible infringement on pet owners. Pets are property and it’s up to their owners, not government bureaucrats, to make decisions about them.
I’ve read a bit about studies that claim RFID chips cause cancer in animals, but I don’t find them very convincing. The real problem is a complete disrespect for pet owners and property rights.
The best way to lead is by example. Therefore, the bureaucrats of Huntington Beach who support this law should first be sterilized and microchiped themselves. And in keeping with their policy, it should be mandatory.
Nanny Nation Notification – Across The Pond
There appears to be a secret contest between the US and the UK over who can grow the biggest, most intrusive government. So far the UK appears to be winning, but the US isn’t too far behind. Here are just a few examples of recent nonsense from across the pond.
“Parents who forbid their children to cross roads alone may be preventing them from learning vital lessons in how to avoid being run over, according to an analysis of official figures.” Surprise surprise – if you don’t let kids cross the road themselves they’re going to have problems with this rather simple but very important survival skill.
If you’d like to bring flowers to someone at the Dorset County Hospital in Dorchester, forget it. They’re now banned everywhere in the hospital, including the maternity unit and geriatrics ward. Hospital officials are afraid that bacteria could grow in the water, then the water could get spilled, then the spilled water could come in contact with patients, then, maybe, they could get an infection.
They’d better ban magazines and books too – those paper cuts can be nasty.
(Note that the URL for this article ends with …Docs=Dumb)
Well, at least you can go to the pub and enjoy yourself, right? Not so fast. Not only has smoking been banned in pubs, but now the government is writing up plans that will make it illegal to flirt with the female bartenders and waitresses. The law makes the pub owner liable if his staff gets miffed about a customer’s behavior.
And to wrap it up, this article lists more ridiculous attacks on what should be simple personal choices.
Although the UK has a slight lead in the number of laws and policies, the US is rapidly catching up. Between legislators and lawyers, we’re rapidly replacing the once famed Yankee Ingenuity with the idea that everything be perfectly safe and everyone should be prohibited from doing anything that might offend someone, and no one should ever get their feelings hurt. While we don’t know which government will win this race toward blandness and mediocrity, we can be certain that the citizens of both countries will be the losers.
DragonCon - Talk Nerdy To Me
DragonCon is a conglomeration of every science fiction, fantasy, fan, and uber geek conference in Atlanta. I attended for the first time last week to present the Podcast Peer Awards.
There were about 60,000 people there. A little less than half were in costume. These were not cheap simple costumes, but richly elaborate, detailed clothing and props. There were characters from Star Wars, Star Trek, Babylon 5, Harry Potter, Dr. Who, Serenity/Firefly, various video games, The Watchmen, The Crow, V for Vendetta, The Incredibles, Steamboy, Stargate SG1, Battlestar Galactica, Kiss, DC comics heros (lots of Superman, Supergirl and Batman comics), Marvel comics (surprisingly few X-men, though), The 300, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Ghostbusters, and lots and lots of Fairies and Zombies.
The convention was spread across three hotels. There were dozens of tracks - writing, costuming, fighting robots, skeptics, science, the EFF, and podcasting, to name a few. Each track offered 6-8 hour long panels, shows, or meetings per day. There was no way to see more than a small percentage of what looked interesting.
I was able to meet a lot of friends I hadn’t met before (which makes no sense to people who don’t spend much time online, perfect sense to those who do) and make some new ones. I spent most of my time in the podcasting and skeptics tracks, but hit several of the others as well.
I came back tired and rejuvenated, with a camera full of pictures. I figured I’d put them up here and share the excitement and feel of the convention with you. I loaded them up, browsed through them and . . . .
They’re just pictures of people in costumes. They can’t convey the feeling, the vibe and the buzz of being there. But they’re fun, so here are a few of them. Time permitting I’ll add more later.
Fan Mail
The many sites at davehitt.com generate lots of e-mail. Some is complementary, some is insulting and most falls somewhere between. I enjoy it all.
I’m guessing that people who send hate filled screeds think it will make me angry. The fact is I find most of them amusing and entertaining.
Most hate mail comes from The Facts and proves that anti-smokers are blind, stupid and driven mostly by hate. But other articles also inspire venomous e-mail.
Many years ago I wrote an article explaining how Multiple Chemical Sensitivity is nothing more than extreme hypochondria. No one else wants to be near extreme hypochondriacs, so they stick together, forming little clots of misery. Every once in a while one of these clots stumbles across the article and sends me a fresh batch of spew.
This arrived in my in box this evening. I have not edited it in any way. It was written in all caps and italics, in brown lettering and a fancy curly font I won’t try to replicate.
Subject: Absolute Non-scents
From: Mayleen <maydreams@comcast.net>
PLEASE POST YOU PICTURE ON THE INTERNET SO THAT EVRYONE HAS A PICTURE OF WHAT A REAL LIVE IGNORANTE ASSHOLE LOOKS LIKE AND WE
Yes, Mayleen, you obviously do need the space for educational purposes. Free clue, genius: When you’re going to send e-mail calling someone ignorant, run it through a spelling and grammar check first.
Follow-up:
Mayleen responded to this blog entry by spamming me with a dozen articles that had nothing to do with MCS. They were mostly about allergies, and MCS “sufferers” will get highly indignant if you even imply they have something as mundane as allergies.
She sent three separate replies to my one e-mail. Her responses were:
HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING ALL THE READING MATERIAL !!!!! CORRECT THOSE !!!!!
No need to check it. I was speaking to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
NO NEED TOOOOOOO I WAS SPITING TO UUUUUU!!!!!!!
This lends credence to my theory that a person’s IQ is inversely proportionate to the number of exclamation points they use.
The brilliant and funny author Terry Pratchett mentions over use of exclamation marks in three of his books.
“‘Multiple exclamation marks,’ he went on, shaking his head, ‘are a sure sign of a diseased mind.’”
– in “Eric(Faust)”
“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
– in “Reaper Man”
“‘And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.’”
– in “Maskerade”
This twit is now in my spam filter, so I won’t have anything further to report on her. But you’ve got her e-mail address if you’d like to be amused by her insanity.