Another List of Things Atheists Didn’t Do

Here’s yet more entires in the ongoing, and apparently endless, list of Things Atheists Didn’t Do. Next time someone makes the idiotic claim that atheists are more immoral than the religious, refer to to these handy lists. Everything in them, from the horrific to the hilarious, was inspired by superstition and ridiculous religious beliefs, which don’t encumber atheists.

We start with “Moderate Muslim” news.  A a 14 year old girl in Bangladesh (a moderate Muslim country) was raped.  She was sentenced to 101 lashes, but collapsed after the 70th, and died a week later.

The moderate United Arab Emirates was kinder to a woman who was gang raped by six men.  They only sentenced her to one year in prison for extramarital sex.  She avoided a sentence of flogging and life in prison by dropping the charges against her rapists, including the one who laughed at her in court.

Baptists don’t murder or imprison our rape victims in the US.  They just ask them if they enjoyed it, then make them stand in front of the congregation and confess their sins.   And when their pregnancy is the result of being raped by a deacon, well, that must have been God’s will.

And if you rape a cow in Bali, you’ll have to marry it even if it seduced you, to cure the village of bestiality, but then the cow is drowned.  I’m guessing that’s followed by a reception where everyone is served very fresh hamburgers.

In Tehran the vice police ordered breasts be removed from manikins, resulting in this bizare photo.

In Washington state a man claimed he led police on a 100 MPH high speed chase to honor his God.  Evidently his God was busy the day of the trial – he was convicted.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be finger-banged by Jesus?  Now you know. (NSFW video)

Kids, if you’re offered a choice between visiting an atheist neighbor, and a Christian neigoboor who makes their own tattoo guns with guitar strings, you might want to go see the godless guy.  He won’t tattoo a cross on you.

In Kenya Pastor Lucy claims to cure people of AIDS, (YouTube video) then gives them fake tests and declares them healed.  She says God gives her money.

A GOP backed Punk Rock Evangelical Band (no, that’s not a typo) praised Muslims for murdering homosexuals.  The band’s front man, Bradlee Dean, said, “Muslims are calling for the executions of homosexuals in America. This just shows you they themselves are upholding the laws that are even in the Bible of the Judeo-Christian God, but they seem to be more moral than even the American Christians do, because these people are livid about enforcing their laws. They know homosexuality is an abomination.”

Lawmakers in Louisiana dealt with the gulf oil disaster by declaring a day of prayer, which worked really well.

Atheists aren’t known for invading churches and passing out books by Dawkins or Hitchens, but Father John Parnell claims Jehovah’s Witnesses walked into his church and started handing out their tracts.  He also claims they told his daughter, ‘You are going to be burned into the eternal fires of Gehenna if you don’t listen to what I say.” Bzzzt! Wrong answer, Sparky.  JayDubs (one of the many derogatory names for JWs used by ex-JWs like myself) don’t believe in hell, or fires in Gehenna.  Imagine that, a priest making stuff up.

A 15 year old JayDub died after refusing a blood transfusion after a car accident.  It’s frightening to think that I would have done the same thing if that happened to me when I was 15.  Doctors should have an automatic right to override the patent’s wishes in such cases.  This kid deserved a chance to grow a brain later in life.

In Indonesia 37 kids stood on a wire-cable suspension bridge for a traditional good luck ceremony.  It collapsed.  25 of them were lucky enough to be rescued.  12 of them weren’t.

According to Bored Panda: “This is an actual logo designed in 1973 for the Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission. It even won an award from the Art Directors Club of Los Angeles.” But maybe this doesn’t belong on the list – this looks like something an atheist might design.

Perhaps it was inspired by this.

In Pakistan, five women were buried alive for wanting to pick who they married.  In Turkey, which is also considered a “moderate” Islamic country, a 16 year old girl was buried alive for the crime of “talking to boys.”   There are about 200 honor killings in Turkey each year.

Remember the nice view at the public swimming pool?  Sorry, folks, it’s been blocked off because someone might look at the Muslim women.

Richard Merryman is charged with raping a five year old boy at a church meeting. Quick Hitts has been unable to confirm the rumor he is also being charged with impersonating a Catholic Priest.

While Christan fundies go batshit fighting abortions Scientologists are sometimes forced to have them, because babies tend to be so damn distracting.

Dr Atiya, the head of al-Azhar’s Department of Hadith, issued a fatwa that said if a woman fed a male colleague “directly from her breast” at least five times they would establish a family bond and thus be allowed to be alone together at work. He later retracted it, doubtless to the chagrin of boobie-loving Muslims everywhere.

In Yemen, a 12 year old child bride died of internal bleeding caused by being raped by an older man, her husband.  (I don’t care if they were married, in accordance with Islamic law.  If she’s 12, and he’s twice her age, it’s rape.)  In other words she was literally raped to death. Praise be to Allah.

A Me and the Baby RapistPakistani lawyer is calling for the death of Mark Zuckerberg because he allowed a page on Facebook for “Everybody Draw Mohammed” day. Meanwhile, the woman who suggested it, an American, has moved and changed her name, in America, because of threats against her life.   My picture for EDMD is to the left.

While all these are bad things that Atheists didn’t do, there is at least one thing Catholics and all atheists with good taste can agree on – The Blues Brothers was a great movie.

7 Comment(s)

  1. Another great list Dave. As for the JayDub, I believe children under 18 cannot refuse treatment, which means his parents had to. Sorry, but to me that means one less moron in the world reproducing.

    Brian Riley | May 5, 2011 | Reply

  2. I have that reaction to parents who kill themselves. But sometimes their kids grow out of such nonsense (I’m proof of that). About half the jaydub kids abandon the religion, and that number is rising as more and more of them learn to Google “Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

    Dave Hitt | May 5, 2011 | Reply

  3. Isn’t Turkey the country the US is most often cited as being “as religious as…” ? And they’re burying girl children alive there?

    Heidi | May 15, 2011 | Reply

  4. Logic of Zakhie Naik , why its okay to Ban other religiouns in Saudi, and at the same time why Islam is a true religion. 2+2=4 Nut Job

    What can you can advice to this person?

    Joesph Fernades | Jul 16, 2011 | Reply

  5. I would advise him to sell all he owns and buy a clue.

    Hittman | Jul 16, 2011 | Reply


    Fiona Mackenzie | Oct 29, 2011 | Reply

  7. Being selective will only convince stupid people like you

    JJJ | Oct 30, 2011 | Reply

Post a Comment