Yeah, That’ll Work

I’ve avoided adding too many categories to this blog, because the longer the list gets the less useful it becomes. Occasionally this has resulted in having to shoehorn a story into a category it barely fits, but that’s better than having a hundred categories with just one or two items in them.

But I keep seeing articles where the only appropriate response is “Yeah, That’ll Work,” so I’m adding that as a category. I may go back and apply it retroactively to a few previous articles, but I’m pleased to award the first one to the serial boneheads who make up the Chicago City Council.

Most city councils are full of mouth breathing do-gooders who give absolutely no thought to the burdens and unintended consequences of their idiotic rules. But the CCC deservers special attention – they are truly moron’s among morons. Here’s a partial list of their accomplishments:

They are proposing a bill that would block airlines from landing at O’Hare or Midway if they don’t have a passenger’s bill of rights in place. Chicago is a major hub city, so these droolers intend to blackmail nationwide and worldwide corporations to be politically correct enough to use their airports.

Using PeTA inspired excuses, they banned foie gras. (Note to heathens: that’s goose liver pâté (Further note: It’s very good. Really.)) Before the ban it was only carried by a few restaurants and few people ate it. The ban caused demand to skyrocket, so restaurants came up with many clever methods of ban evasion. My favorite: the crackers are $20, the pâté is free.

They’ve demonstrated their hatred of poor people by forcing “Big Box” stores to pay a minimum wage of $13/hour. ($10/hour pay, $3/hr benefits) This absolutely guarantees fewer big stores will be built and existing ones will hire far fewer employees or close completely. Since these stores also have substantially lower prices, the CCC is also forcing the poor to pay more for their stuff.

They’ve urged congress to consider slavery reparations – because there’s just not quite enough interracial hatred in the US today.

Of course they’re not all work. They took time out for bribes. The FBI convicted six of them for corruption. They were not merely charged; they were convicted. The other 42 presumably got away with it.

While The New York City Department of Health put the first trans-fat ban in place, the CCC was the first to propose it.

(New York City has its own department of health, which is completely separate from the New York State DOH. This is because the New York State DOH doesn’t implement idiotic rules fast enough to satisfy the uber-nannies in The City. (Note: When people from New York (The City or the state) refer to NYC as “The City,” you can actually hear the capital letters in their voice.)

(Note to self: try to cut down on the use of parentheses.)

They’ve raised the Real Estate Transfer Taxes by a whopping 40%, costing property owners thousands or tens of thousands of dollars when they sell their property.

So…let’s move on to the most recent example of their anencephaly:

Like most big cities, Chicago has a problem with illegal drugs and the crime caused by their illegality. So their plan is…wait for it…to outlaw small plastic bags.

Yeah, that’ll work.

Their brilliant solution is to make it illegal to possess or sell any plastic bag that’s less that two inches in any dimension. They assure us that we don’t have to worry about small bags used for jewelry or suit buttons or other legitimate things because the authorities would never get stupid about this. Nuh uh, never ever.

Good thing drug dealers have never heard of Seal-A-Meal, or would never think of using bags that were 2.1 inches, or would ever wrap their stuff in something other than a bag like, say, glossy magazine paper. Good thing drug users will refuse to buy something that’s in a slightly bigger bag.

So congratulations Chicago City Counsel for your first “Yeah That’ll Work” award. I’m sure it will not be your last.


2 Comment(s)

  1. Let me see if I get this right.

    Someone who is un-fazed by current law which bans the possession and sale of drugs, someone who probably scoffs at a few other laws too (concealed weapons laws perhaps)(parentheses are contagious) will suddenly become a law abiding citizen due to a ban on tiny plastic bags?

    That is a strategy that could ONLY have been designed by a committee of bureaucrats.

    Bernadette in Australia | Mar 8, 2008 | Reply

  2. This makes me almost glad I live in L.A. now — sure the state and local governments are teeming with mouth-breathing nanny state morons here too, but at least Mexico is only a couple of hours away. Funny how I actually feel freer in third world countries than in the good old USA.

    ex-chicagoan | Mar 9, 2008 | Reply

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