Yet Another list of Things Atheists Didn’t Do
By Dave Hitt on Jun 19, 2010 in Things Atheists Didn't Do
Gunther Link, 45, was stuck in an elevator. As soon as he was rescued he ran to church to thank his God. His God then crushed him under an 860 pound stone altar. That God dude is such a practical joker. An atheist would have thanked his rescuers instead.
God also sent 117 people to the hospital via contaminated holy water.
Allah is has the same sense of humor. When one of his followers, who was obviously not an atheist, insisted on wearing a head covering at a go-cart track, he rewarded her by strangling her with it. What a jokester!
It looks like Pakistan is going to be calling for the execution of Facebook operator Mark Zuckerberg. He allowed the “draw a picture of Mohamed day” page to stay up, so the Religion of Peace wants him killed.
A month after the earthquake a Haitian couple tried to get married. Christian evangelicals, not atheists, helpfully attacked them with rocks, because it was a pagan wedding.
An African mob burned down a home, putting a family of nine on the street, because they believed they were witches.
John Smith has more imagination than the parents who named him. He fired Jammie Harms because her fetus was hostile toward him, and was projecting negative energy. His psychic confirmed his suspicions. He did try to resolve it by going to a chiropractor/energy worker, but that didn’t work out, so he canned her.
Christians and Muslims in Nigeria enjoyed a three day riot that left dozens dead. Perhaps they were arguing about whose god was more loving. The last atheist riot was. . . um. . .never.
A US military supplier of very sophisticated gun sights inscribed each one with a scripture. Surprisingly, when it was revealed, they stopped doing it.
Who needs 72 virgins? This Israeli “Messiah” is happy with a mere 17. Or maybe 30. He’s too busy to count them, and the approximately 60 kids he appears to have fathered. Note the Funny Eyes.
What do you do when the church says your mom is a witch? Slit her throat, of course. (Funny eyes, again.)
The Pope warned Africans that use of condoms would increase the spread of AIDS because. . . because he’s an idiot, I guess. There’s no other explanation.
Hasidic Jews, not atheists, staged a riot outside an Intel factory in Israel, because it operated on the Sabbath. They attacked cars, yelled insults, and spit. And if you’ve ever listened to them pronounce words like chutzpah and Hasidim you know they can generate serious amounts of phlegm.
A Christian Theater group, whose website says they’re “Dedicated to providing drama that is overshadowed by the truth and power of God and His Word, the Bible,” is asking for nearly a half million dollars of taxpayer money to fund their silliness. Evidently God is a little short of cash at the moment.
The Catholic Church, still refusing to admit their blame in aiding and abetting child rape, once again claimed that it was the fault of homosexuals, not pedophiles. (Note: Every week there are literally dozens of new stories about catholic priests raping children and the church making increasingly lame excuses for it. I’ve opted to bypass most of them, because there’s only so much space on my web host’s hard drives.)
Every Friday afternoon Muslims mob several streets in Paris, shutting down businesses. They’ve even got their own faux security guards to keep anyone else out of the area.
If you’re broken someone jaw in the UK, simply find a ditzy judge who will let you go because you’re a Muslim.
If you’re Muslim, better avoid watching soccer. If your own family doesn’t kill you the religious police might. Atheists can watch soccer if they want to, but most American atheists don’t, because it’s lame.
If your six week old baby, who you’ve named Faith Lovemore, is crying, just stuff bible pages in her mouth until she stops breathing. That will calm her right down. Daddy was a religious whack job too. (Once again, seriously funny eyes.) Poor kid. If she only had been born to atheist parents. . .
As always, this is just a small percentage of stories I’ve gathered since the last TADD post. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I couldn’t find enough material to do another one?
Phew! Nice post Dave. I guess God loved all those people so much he wanted them to be with him in Heaven right away.
Chris Snowdon | Jun 20, 2010 | Reply
This is so bad. I really don’t know if i should laugh or be offended.
AWESOMECATS | Jun 21, 2010 | Reply
You had me up until you called soccer lame.
John | Jun 27, 2010 | Reply
Here is another thingh in India which atheist did not do.
http://freethinker.co.uk/2010/07/05/the-religion-of-peace-strikes-again-2/
http://www.deccanherald.com/content/79231/for-prophet-query-hand-chopped.html
http://www.jihadwatch.org/2010/07/india-muslims-chop-off-hands-of-christian-professor-who-put-defamatory-question-on-exam.html
http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=kerala+professor+hand+chop&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&fp=343d948d4d228b03
Ashline Fernandes | Jul 6, 2010 | Reply
Here is yet another horrifying one
http://www.jihadwatch.org/2009/12/two-year-old-raped-and-left-to-die-because-her-father-refused-to-convert-to-islam.html
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=830_1266869492&comment_order=newest_first
Ashline | Jul 8, 2010 | Reply
http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2009/12/29/12289696-sun.html
Ashline | Jul 8, 2010 | Reply
As an atheist, I have to say, this article is why so many religious people have such a venomous reaction to atheism. You make it seem like many or all of the world’s ills are attributable to religion, and I sincerely hope you know that’s not true. Shit happens to atheists proportionally as much as it happens to people who do believe in a higher power. You should realize that there is nothing inherently good or bad about religion, just as there is nothing inherently good or bad about atheism. Get over yourself and learn some tolerance.
Alec | Jul 11, 2010 | Reply
Many of the world’s ills ARE directly attributable to religion. Everything on this list, for instance. No where did I say or even imply that all, or even most, of our problems are due to religion. Just the problems on this list, and a few thousand other incidents every day.
This is not about shit happening to people. This is about people shitting on other people in the name of religion.
I do think there is something inherently bad about a lot of religions. Again, not all of them, but a significant percentage. Even when they’re not directly harmful, making decisions based on fantasy is never a good idea.
Hittman | Jul 11, 2010 | Reply
Excellent.
MfK | Jul 15, 2010 | Reply
You should realize that there is nothing inherently good or bad about religion
You should realize that your statement is not a fact; it’s an opinion. IMO, religion that involves “faith” is indeed inherently bad. Faith = believing something without, or in the face of contrary, evidence. That’s not just bad; it’s dangerous.
Heidi | Jul 30, 2010 | Reply
Heidi, here’s an idea. Religionists should should treat their faith like they do their genitalia. Don’t take it out in public and don’t shove it down your children’s throats.
bobby | Aug 1, 2010 | Reply
Good one
Ashish | Aug 1, 2010 | Reply
That doesn’t work so well for priests.
Sorry, that was too easy to pass up.
Heidi | Aug 1, 2010 | Reply
Bobby, that’s the best line I’ve seen here in the comments in quite a while.
Hittman | Aug 1, 2010 | Reply
I’m a writer. It’s what I do. That, and piss off the superstitious. It’s one of my callings.
bobby | Aug 1, 2010 | Reply
Don’t think these people were atheists either.
Lust for wealth drove a poverty-stricken couple to sacrifice their own four-year-old daughter at a village in Uttar Pradesh’s backward Sitapur district, about 90 km from here [Lucknow].
The couple, identified as Srikrishna and Ramdevi, were told by a “tantrik†(exorcist)that they would become rich if they sacrificed their daughter, according to police sources here.
Acting on the advice of a “tantrikâ€, a “havana kund†(a pit in which the fire is lit and yajna is performed), was prepared in the courtyard of the couple for the rituals late on Monday night.
The parents then put their daughter Kanni into the pit amid chanting of “mantra†and lit the fire. The girl, who was also mercillessely beaten, was half buried in the pit.
The parents had stuffed a piece of cloth in the mouth of the little girl so that her cries could not be heard by any one in the village, sources said.
The badly burnt body of the girl was later buried on the same spot by digging a deep pit, sources said. The grandmother of the girl was also present during the rituals, sources said.
The ghastly incident came to light on Tuesday when neighbours found vermillion, flowers, incense sticks and other items used in the rituals and suspected that some “exorcism rituals†might have been performed there.
Read More
Brian | Aug 23, 2010 | Reply
Here’s an interesting bit of news from the online version of Utne Reader:
The world’s happiest countries have been announced, and three of the top five are among the least religious countries in the world, reports Alfredo Garcia at Religion News Service. Garcia acknowledges that this “might be like comparing apples to bookshelves” and that “measures of ‘happiness’ or ‘religiosity’ can often be so vague and difficult to quantify that they lose their meaning” but it’s a notable finding all the same. Here’s more:
The nations taking the top spots include: Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden and the Netherlands. This might not come as a surprise to many who have been to these nations. What is surprising, however, is that three of these five nations are among the top 10 least religious nations in the world (also from Gallup).
Indeed, Sweden, Denmark and Norway came in at second, third, and fourth, respectively. Only Estonia was less religious than these nations.
bobby | Aug 23, 2010 | Reply
And I’d bet the most religious countries have the least happy people. Iran? Not happy.
Heidi | Aug 24, 2010 | Reply
America?
bobby | Aug 24, 2010 | Reply
Happier outside the Bible belt.
Heidi | Aug 24, 2010 | Reply
Right, because no one would do anything bad without religion. *roll eyes*
Joke or not, you’re an idiot. Bat-shit crazy people will ALWAYS kill children. Pedophiles will ALWAYS rape children. Period. End of story. God or not. Do you understand that absolute fact? It’s not an opinion, it’s fact.
And to those of you who judge an entire group of people based on the actions of a few, you sicken me. THIS is the reason *every* religious groups hates Atheists. See what I did there? I said every single religious person on this earth hates Atheists. That is NOT true. It’s an over-generalization.
I think this Egyptian guy named Osama been Laundry (or something) organized 9/11. So all Egyptians must be terrorists…right?
Next time you’re going to troll, do it with some sense and subtlety. You’re trying too hard, and it’s painfully obvious.
Yet another thoughtless post | Oct 14, 2010 | Reply
Another chuckle-head Christian raises their head above the parapet and completely misunderstands what’s being said. No surprise there.
bobby | Oct 14, 2010 | Reply
Well at least he/she warns us what the post will be about with the statement “Yet another thoughtless post”. Though, he/she should be aware that the author of the article (Dave Hitt) cannot be a troll, that would be the commenter who calls the author or other posters names or refutes their arguments without a shred of proof (him/her).
Brian Riley | Oct 14, 2010 | Reply
You know, I was thinking that, too. How is Dave supposed to be trolling his own blog? LOL.
For the benefit of the actual troll, no, batshit crazy people do not always kill children. There are plenty of people who are objectively, legally insane, who have not killed anyone, children or otherwise.
Heidi | Oct 15, 2010 | Reply
Dave, you should read the articles you cite more closely. The one about the guy slitting his mother’s throat in particular. You make a crack about “funny eyes”, I assume because of the picture on that page. Look closer. The picture is not of the suspect, Mokwunye. That is, if you read the caption under the picture, Lagos State Commissioner of Police, Marvel Akpoyibo. Try to pay a little more attention next time, please :)
24601 | Nov 20, 2010 | Reply
Heidi, here’s an idea. Religionists should should treat their faith like they do their genitalia. Don’t take it out in public and don’t shove it down your children’s throats.
I’m a writer. It’s what I do. That, and piss off the superstitious. It’s one of my callings.
So Bobby, I gotta call you out on that one. Dunno if you writing your second comment was you claiming to have made up your first comment or not… but it sure sounded like it. But, that sounds alot like that poster I’ve seen around the internet saying “RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS. Its ok to have one, its ok to be proud of it. But don’t go waving it around in public, and please don’t shove it down my childrens throats.”
I dunno if you’re paraphrasing that, or if by chance you had the same funny idea that that whoever wrote that passage did, and you wrote your own without ever seeing that. If so, good work! If not, don’t claim others peoples work. I have no idea who the original author is though… maybe it was you. But I dont think you would have paraphrased it quite so much…
bryan hellard | Mar 9, 2011 | Reply
There’s nothing new under the sun Bryan, every artist knows that. It wouldn’t surprise me if variations on what I said have been around longer than you or I have. I’m sure it’s been said by many people in many ways. I simply stated something I’ve thought in the past and I stated it in my own words. I’m an original. I have written over 500 stories that I call my own, that came from my imagination but I’m under no illusion that I wasn’t influenced by a great many things I was exposed to before. It’s only plagiarism if you quote something verbatim and assert that you are the original author or don’t acknowledge it as a quote. Why are you focusing on the possible origin of the idea rather than thinking about what it says?
bobby | Mar 9, 2011 | Reply
I dunno if you’re paraphrasing that, or if by chance you had the same funny idea that that whoever wrote that passage did, and you wrote your own without ever seeing that. If so, good work!
Remember, I said that too. I get that all the time, I’ll have a great idea and thinks its totally awesome an original, then go to look into it and find out someone else already did it. So, like I said, good work for thinking up a funny quote, even if someone wrote it first.
Why was I focusing on origin, rather then meaning? It was because I was thinking of meaning, that made me think that I’ve thought of this meaning before, so I went to investigate and share my findings.
And I hope you didnt take offense, I wasnt blaming you of plagarism, just pointing it out if it was. I have no doubt that you have written many great stories. Any links to any of them so I can read?
bryan hellard | Mar 9, 2011 | Reply
No offence taken. My website is now listed.
Bobby (Godless Monkey)
bobby | Mar 10, 2011 | Reply
http://godlessmonkey.wordpress.com
A collection of my stories will be published soon and available on Amazon among other places.
bobby | Mar 10, 2011 | Reply
I read your “Full Disclosure, Part one” and I was right :) It was a very original, and a great story, and am now awaiting part 2!
But I will no longer post here, and let this comments stream continue with comments pertaining to the above article, I will not drag it off to be another story’s comment’s thread. Goodbye all!
bryan hellard | Mar 10, 2011 | Reply
bro i loved the post but why hate on soccer the most popular game in the world? next time remember this during a soccer match there is only one commercial break and it’s not popular where you are bc the pigs cant make enough money to sell it to the masses
bentley | May 9, 2011 | Reply
Spitefully attacking people who follow religion isn’t a way to promote atheism. Yes, there are some nutjobs who do horrific things in the name of religion, but it’s not like atheism automatically makes you a pure being. I’m sure there are plenty of criminals who don’t believe in God or some other religion. People who abuse religion and use it as an excuse to control and attack are in the wrong, but religion can still provide a lot of solace to a lot of people. If you want to be atheist, that’s your choice but trying to discredit religion as much as possible is just silly. It’s like a politician trying to win an election by bringing down all the other candidates.
Toby | May 9, 2011 | Reply
Bobby, you may be writer and if that is the case then you’re plagiarizing. That quote, “shove it down kids throats…” is nearly as old as religion itself. Quit claiming things as your own. You’re not impressing anyone except those that are too stupid to think for themselves and buy into every line of bullshit they read on the internet.
Jeff | May 10, 2011 | Reply
Jeff,
You need to read better. Bobby acknowledged he was not the creator of the original quote he simply put it into his own words, he also pointed out that “It’s only plagiarism if you quote something verbatim and assert that you are the original author or don’t acknowledge it as a quote” which he did not. And he was referring to the entire quote “Religionists should should treat their faith like they do their genitalia. Don’t take it out in public and don’t shove it down your children’s throats” not just the last part. Finally here is my quote “It is better to keep one’s mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt” and that’s not plagiarism either.
Brian
Brian Riley | May 10, 2011 | Reply
This is such a biased post… it’s really sad, the way you’re making it seem like religion’s making the world this totally crazy place. I agree with some of the people above — bad/crazy people will ALWAYS be bad/crazy, whether they’re religious or not… and people DO insane stuff in the name of religion but you can’t blame religion, right — that’s the peoples’ faults I think… I’m not a Christian but NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that you should put Bible-pages in the mouth of a crying baby, for instance. Just an example! The main point is — evil exists in the world. With or without religion.
It seems to me that you’re trying to show people that Atheists are better human beings, if I understood it correctly. In which case I feel very, very saddened and disappointed that people can be so intolerant and narrow-minded and that the lack of knowledge can be so… big.
Michelle | May 14, 2011 | Reply
Michelle, everything on this blog is biased. Heavly. In favor of my own opinions. If you’d like unbiased reporting then you need to read. . .damn, can’t think of anything. There are no unbiased news sources that I’m aware of.
>>> people DO insane stuff in the name of religion but you can’t blame religion, right<>> It seems to me that you’re trying to show people that Atheists are better human beings, if I understood it correctly.<<<
I think, in general, atheists are much much better human beings than the extremely religious. As proof, look up the beliefs, or lack of belief, in the US prison population. While atheists make up 10-15% of the general population they only make up .2% of the prison population. .2%!
Hittman | May 15, 2011 | Reply
you put things in there that weren’t even related to religion, like witchcraft, and in case of the gun sights, that really isn’t even an issue, but Athiests made a huge deal of it when they found out, i mean, that’s like say sleeping in a hotel room with a bible in it should be against the law, just stupid.
Now, before you all go all crazy about what I said, let me also say, to hell with the church, most of them are corrupt and money hungry, I have a deep burning hatred for them, but that doesn’t change me any.
Some good stuff to read there, but again, violence is everywhere, just because athiests don’t mass together and do crazy stuff doesn’t mean they are immune to being violent, it’s just human nature.
Guest | May 17, 2011 | Reply
… And Witchcraft isn’t a religion, because…? The Judeo-Christian god doesn’t have a trademark on the word.
Heidi | May 17, 2011 | Reply
Bobby is sort of a douchebag, right? I’m not just imagining this?
rowrow | May 18, 2011 | Reply
I like him.
Hittman | May 18, 2011 | Reply
Quick look suggests you like to attack the non-atheists just all the while condemning their attacking one another. I take it you wouldn’t look kindly at an attack on atheism, or is that how you got-off on this kick in the first place?
Did you ever look at Christ and His resurrection, by the way? Who do you say He is/was?
Rich | Jun 19, 2011 | Reply
I say, based on one whole hell of lot of research, that he’s as real as Santa. There is not shred of credible evidence that he ever existed. There is, however, a mountain of circumstantial evidence that he’s a myth.
bobby | Jun 19, 2011 | Reply
Christ is a literary character who was plagiarized from pre-existing accounts of various gods and demi-gods. Thanks for asking.
Attack whatever you want. Feel free to attack all the other things I don’t believe in, too. I am also an a-unicornist, an a-leprechaunist, and an a-aliens-among-us-ist.
Heidi | Jun 20, 2011 | Reply
Your anti-Christian position is missing the parts that are true. Too bad. Looks like you’re nearing hopeless if you won’t “see” further. Good bye, then. I’m outta here!
Rich | Jun 20, 2011 | Reply
There are no parts that are true. But go ahead. Take your ball and go home. LOL.
Heidi | Jun 20, 2011 | Reply
Wow that is extremely rude… do you know what Catholics don’t do? They don’t post extremely rude websites with facts whose only source is some website. Yes I know it is fun to laugh at some of the “silly” things other people do, but can you honestly look at me and tell me atheists don’t do anything stupid? Fine believe what you want, but I know what I believe and you can’t change that.
Chase | Sep 3, 2011 | Reply
neener, neener, neener.
bobby | Sep 3, 2011 | Reply