Quick Hitts

MADD is demanding that Grand Theft Auto be giving the rating of Adults Only because players can drive drunk in the game. Citing their tiresome ass numbers, they proceed to give us their standard lecture, and then “suggest” that Rockstar remove the game from the market.

Rockstar has spent an estimated $100 million developing the most eagerly anticipated game ever, and these mouth-breathers think they’ll pull it because it offends their tender sensibilities.

This story was sent to me by Mike T, via Kotaku. Mike writes, “I remembered your MADD show a while ago and am pretty shocked at how dumb these people are.” I’m not. Nannyism is a mental disease, a religious infection that makes nannies immune from reason, logic, facts, or even simple common sense.

Mike says, “I’ve had GTA since it came out and the game *really* discourages you from driving drunk. You crash a lot, (usually with others in the car, sometimes sending them to the hospital,) and it’s a great way to end up with cops chasing you.

Also, the first time I came out of a bar in the game, my cousin, (in the game,) said something like, ‘we really should get a cab. You’re in no condition to drive.'”

My guess in the MADDtards have never played the game, but are going on some report somewhere that someone heard about from someone else who told them that there’s drunk driving in the game.

Wait until they hear about the hookers. . .

North Carolina police staged a military style raid to protect the pubic from….a poker game.

After wasting taxpayers’ money with a ten month investigation, they burst into a home poker game and arrested 27 people, including an assistant prosecutor.  They confiscated all the money they could find, including, according to one report, cash that people had in their purses and wallets.  Then they went after people who weren’t at the game, but had played on other occasions.

Doesn’t that make you feel safer?

The police were enforcing a law from 1802 that prohibits laying any time of game, in your home, that uses dice or cards.  Better find a good hiding place for your Monopoly,  Sorry! and Cranium.

Now that European nannies have succeeded in using bogus claims to outlaw smoking nearly everywhere , They’re moving on to their next target: passive drinking.

Uber Nanny Dr. Peter Anderson claims, “The total tangible cost of alcohol to EU society in 2003 was estimated {pulled out of someone’s ass} to be €125bn (€79bn-€220bn), equivalent to 1.3 per cent GDP, and which is roughly the same value as that found recently for tobacco.” Anderson was a driving force in vilification of Europe’s smokers. His primary tool was lying about the effects of second hand smoke, relying, of course, on ass numbers. “The intangible costs show the value people place on pain, suffering and lost life that occurs due to the criminal, social and health harms caused by alcohol. In 2003 these were estimated {pulled from way up my ass} to be €270bn, with other ways of valuing the same harms producing estimates between €150bn and €760bn.”

Did you really think the nannies would stop at tobacco?

Once again the Palestinian people had an opportunely to vote, and once again they chose Hamas, who vows to destroy Israel, by a huge margin.

Jimmy Carter, the most incompetent president in my lifetime, was there to encourage the terrorists. He’s called for them to be recognized by other nations because maybe they might kinda sorta renounce violence sooner or later someday.

I lived through the Carter presidency. After the disaster that was Richard Nixon Americans voted in the mild mannered peanut farmer. His presidency was marked by exactly one accomplishment: he helped broker peace between Egypt and Israel. But everything else he did was a disaster.

Back then I was selling audio and video equipment at a store called Sounds Great. This was long before Best Buy and Circuit City. When you wanted a decent stereo you went to one of independent stores or small chains populated by salesmen who actually knew something about the equipment they were selling.

Under Carter inflation hit a whopping 18%. People were walking into the store carrying wads of cash, announcing they had just emptied their savings accounts and wanted to spend all their money while it was still worth something. This only lasted for a few months, but sales in the store rocketed to an all time high as people made a desperate attempt to spend all their money as fast as possible. But even that was minor compared to what was in store overseas.

America’s embarrassment started when fundamentalist Muslims in Iran toppled the Shah (who had been put there by Americans) and replaced him with the Ayatollah Khomeini. It came as a complete surprise. The ever clueless CIA was unaware of any trouble brewing until they read about it on the front page of the New York Times. Shortly after installing Khomeini Iranians attacked the American embassy and took more than sixty Americans hostage.

Carter’s response was to do nothing except talk, while asking Johnny Carson to avoid the subject in his nightly monologues. I still remember, a month later, watching Steve Martin break the ice with a Khomeini joke. Man, that felt great. Our silliest comic was the first person to stand up to the tyrant.

The days turned to weeks, the weeks turned into months, and still Carter took no action. Some hostages were released early because of health problems. Carter bravely promised he wouldn’t leave the White House until the rest of them were returned.

Americans were pissed and had been demanding action for months when Carter finally decided to do something. He sent a few helicopters on a rescue mission. The mission was a complete failure, with most of the helicopters never even making it to their destination. Khomeini’s popularity skyrocketed.

The hostages never were released under his presidency. They spent four hundred and forty four days being tortured and abused by Iranians. Their release wasn’t negotiated until Reagan won the election, and took place just a few minutes after he took the oath of office. Iran knew better than to keep up their nonsense with Reagan in charge of the military.

Imagine how different things would be now if, back then, Carter was in possession of testicles. He could have given Iran a very short time to release the hostages, perhaps the week or so that it would have taken to get our military in place. And if they still refused he could have gone in with the full might of the American military. They could have razed everything in their path on the way to the hostages.

Imagine the aftermath of that. Sure, there would be moaning and protests and hand wringing and vilifying of the US, but more importantly we would have sent a very important, unforgettable message to the world, especially the Muslim countries: Don’t fuck with us. The consequences are just too terrible.

Would 9/11 have happened? How about the reign of terror leading up to it? We’ll never know, because Gutless Jimmy blew his chance.

As Reagan began to win the cold war, Carter shuffled off and started Habitat for Humanity, a very cool charity that helped low income people become homeowners without giving them handouts. For a decade or so it looked like he might make up for being one our of our worst presidents by becoming one of our best ex-presidents.

But now he’s blown it again, hob-knobbing with terrorists. At a reception he literally hugged and kissed one of them. He’s even spewing their spew, referring to Israel as occupiers.

This, then, is Carter’s legacy. After kowtowing to terrorists while in office, he’s traveling the globe and kissing them. This makes him something far worse than a pathetically incompetent president. This makes him a despicable human being.

Cartoon Credit: Mike Lester, Cagle Cartoons

While most countries are badgering their citizens to lose weight, France thinks they have the opposite problem – some of their citizens are too skinny.

New French legislation makes it a crime to promote excessive thinness. Anyone guilty faces fines of up to $70,000 dollars and three years in jail, where the food is, evidently, abundant and excellent. The law applies to all media, but the primary target seems to be pro-anna web sites which proclaim anorexia or bulimia is a good and preferred lifestyle.

I found this post on a pro anna site: “its so strange ive had like a rice cake and i feel like purging. i think im going to have to. i cant cope today!” Evidently she’s too weak to hold down the shift key.

France’s government did this after a Brazilian supermodel literally starved herself to death, lowering the country’s total IQ by nearly sixteen points.

Ladies, if you’re considering doing something as stupid as developing an eating order on purpose, please accept this observation from an average male guy type person:

Guys like women that are woman shaped. That means curvy bits, not straight lines. Breasts are sexy (we really like breasts). Visible ribs are gross. Hips are sexy. Hip bones are disgusting.

If your boyfriend gets painful bruises when he hugs you he won’t continue being affectionate. Nor is he likely to stay around if he runs his fingers down your shoulder blades and cuts himself.

So have a sandwich.

Aw, the pope is deeply ashamed that his church spent decades shuffling pedophile priests to new congregations in search of fresh meet. Gee, that makes it all better.

Where was the Vatican’s outrage when this story first broke a decade or so ago? The Church could have taken the high road and immediately started cooperating with the cops, turning in not only their perverted priests but the cardinals who participated in the pedo-shuffle. They could have used it as an opportunity to portray themselves as a moral authority. Instead, they showed their true colors, and displayed to the world they are a dishonest, corrupt, hypocritical and useless organization. First they tried ignoring the story. Then they tried covering it up. Then they promoted some of the guilty cardinals.

And now, years and years later, the current pope thinks crocodile tears will make it all better. He said “We will absolutely exclude pedophiles from the sacred ministry.” Ooo, good plan. I wonder how long they worked on it.

Well, at least they put out a coloring book warning kids about their clergy.

Evidently it doesn’t take much to be a professor in New Zealand. Or a “top public health expert,” for that matter.

Professor Rod Jackson (which would be an excellent screen name for a porn star) has declared that butter is poison. He uses the word repeatedly in his rants. He claims “We have a health tax on alcohol and cigarettes and there should be a health tax on butter. It’s the most poisonous commonly consumed food in New Zealand. It’s about the purest form of saturated fat you can eat and it has no protein and no calcium. Butter has had all the good things taken out and just left the poison.” It’s easy to picture him wiping the foam from his chin after his rant.

New Zealand is a very nanny state, but this is too much even for them. There are no plans to make this idiot’s demand into law. For now.

Japans contribution to this kind of lunacy is even worse. The government has mandated that everyone over 40 must have a “regulation size” waist of 33.5 inches. Companies are not only required to monitor their employee’s weight, but also the weight of their families. Companies who don’t comply will be fined 10% of their profits. Expect to see more fat people on the unemployment lines, and blocking the sidewalks begging for change.

There goes Sumo as a national sport.

Japan has socialized medicine.  Like all socialized medicine, it is getting difficult fund. This gives them the justification to force people to be healthy.

Meanwhile, back in the states, schools across the country are banning “junk food,” foolishly believing that all you have to do to get rid of something popular is make it illegal, because that always works so well. And everywhere this happens smart, entrepreneurial students load up their back packs with candy, soda and chips to sell to their fellow students. If they’re caught, instead of being given extra credit for their initiative and business acumen, their goods are confiscated and they’re sent to detention. I’ve yet to see an article mention what happens to the confiscated candy, but I’m guessing the teachers aren’t losing any weight.