Quick Hitts

As always, Congress Weasels are busy screwing smokers, and the latest round of molestation includes stronger warning labels. Farkers were invited to Photoshop what the new labels should look like, and some of them are pretty funny. Personal favorites:

James Bond on a pack with the warning “Smoking May Cause You To Be This Cool”

“Our product will eventually kill you. But at least it won’t nag you to death like a whiny, bloodless, shrunken girlie-man.”

On a pack of Van Gough cigarettes: Warning: Continued use of this product will cause annoying busybodies to nag your ear off…”

Find them all here.

If you eat meat, neither of these people will have sex with you.

They call themselves Vegansexuals, because they wouldn’t want to call themselves something ridiculous, and think they’re making a point by refusing to have sex with carnivores.

Can you think of a better reason to order a thick, juicy steak?

The woman is the one on the left. Probably.

The setup: An old guy decides to ride his old-guy scooter on the highway.

The cops tell him to pull over. He swears at them and cranks it up to it’s maximum speed: 8 MPH.

The punch line: He got away!

Yesterday the department of agriculture put their hands in the pockets of their overalls, looked rather sheepishly at the ground and kicked a clump of sod. Then they admitted they’ve paid over a billion dollars in subsidies to farmers who were, well, dead. The result is my second favorite quote of the year:

“It’s unconscionable that the Department of Agriculture would think that a dead person was actively engaged in the business of farming,”

My favorite quote, of course, is “We have not released giant badgers in Basra.”

No, that is not a misprint. Congress is trying to implement a tax increase that will be 20,000% in some cases.

State, federal, and even city governments have been screwing cigarette smokers for decades. In some cases those taxes are over 800%. (The Boston Tea Party was a protest against a 4% tax.) Cigar smokers get screwed by states who typically charge a 35-75% tax, but federal taxes have been about a nickel a cigar for quite a while.

That could change very soon. The Democrat controlled congress wants an extra $35-billion to $50-billion for the state children’s health insurance program. The program distributes payments to the states to help buy coverage for kids not poor enough for Medicaid. In other words, they want to expand socialized medicine. They plan to raise the money by adding a 53% tax on cigars with a cap of $10 per cigar. A $100 box of cigars will now cost $153, and that’s before the states slap their taxes on.

Cigarette smokers, don’t feel left out. You’re going to get screwed too, as the federal tax rate goes from thirty-nine cents a pack to a buck.

And it gets worse. The tax will apply to existing inventory, so tobacco store owners will be hit with a huge tax bill. This is the same trick Rob Reiner pulled when he helped pass the meathead tax on tobacco on California a few years back. It put hundreds of small cigar shops out of business. The tax was earmarked for some children’s cause, a government organization that told parents how to raise their kids, but there’s some question if any of it ever made it there.

When you call your congress weasels to tell them to vote against this bill, suggest another law to them: The Taxhole Act.

The Taxhole Act

1. A member of the House or Senate, or any other federal government official or government representative propose who votes for any tax increase that has been advertised as “for the children” shall be considered a Taxhole.
2. Public figures, including state and local politicians, celebrities, wanna be celebrities and washed up former celebrities that some people may vaguely remember, who advocate tax increases while using the phrase “for the children” or any similar phrase, shall also be considered Taxholes.
3. Any Taxhole who advocates for two or more tax increases shall be deemed a Double Taxhole.
4. Any American Citizen or lawful legal resident shall have the right, once per year, to kick any Taxhole in the testicles. In the rare event that the Taxhole does not have testicles, the citizen shall be able to kick them anywhere they like. It is suggested the citizen kick them in the head. If the citizen is not limber/tall enough to apply a boot to the head, they are encouraged to kick them in the taxhole.
   1. Steel toed boots are not required, but they are encouraged.
5. In the case of Double Taxholes, Citizens are allowed to use a baseball bat instead of their feet.

You’ve probably seen the commercial for Live Free or Die Hard. It shows a car spinning through the air toward Bruce, who ducks between two other cars while it smashes down just inches from his head. This is followed by a shot of another car flying through the air and smashing into a hovering helicopter.

Both of those scenes are in the beginning of the movie. The slow part. It picks up from there.

I seldom go to the movies, because I think they’re way overpriced, but some flicks just have to be seen on the big screen. This is one of them. There is a bit of a story in there somewhere, but fortunately it doesn’t interfere with the chase scenes, vehicles smashing into each other, gun fights, acrobatics, martial arts, smart ass jokes, and lots and lots of stuff blowed up.

I love Stuff Blowed Up movies, and haven’t seen a good one in quite a while. This one explodes cars, trucks, helicopters, kittens, planes, rooms, buildings power plants and just about anything else that’s not locked down.

Just kidding about the kittens. Bruce would never hurt a kitten.

If you’re looking for some mindless fun and lots of action, see this one on the big screen while you still can.

I used to do movie reviews regularly. You can find them here.

Most medical journals have eagerly swallowed the junk science and outright lies of the anti-smoker crowd. This makes it nearly impossible for the opposition to be heard. One exception is the American Council on Science and Health.

Michael McFadden and Dave Kuneman authored a very comprehensive study that shows the conclusions of the widely publicized Helena study are nonsense. They used widely available public data to show that smoking bans have no effect on heart attacks if the sample size was reasonable. (The Helena “study” had a sample size of forty people, and none of them were asked about their exposure to SHS.) Yet their submissions to medical journals have been either ignored or rejected. ASCH saw fit to publish their story.

Now all we need is for a medical journal to stand up to Big Pharma and publish the study itself.

If you’d like to Smartenize® yourself about the Helena “study” start here.